When my 12-year-old son expressed a desire to paint his room a bold shade of black, rather than react with a resounding “Absolutely not!” I suggested a deep navy as a middle ground. Thankfully, this color was distinct enough from his previous bright blue walls, and he happily agreed.
My little boy has transitioned into a tween, and while it can be a struggle, it’s also a wonderfully unique phase. Here are some of the traits that may seem frustrating but are, in fact, incredibly important for their growth:
- Tweens may neglect hygiene, but they’re prioritizing their passions.
My son often appears “hygiene-challenged.” He’s indifferent about how clean his hair is or whether his socks have a distinct odor. Instead, he immerses himself in video games, writing, and creating movie projects. He finds the adventures of his favorite characters far more captivating than impressing peers. - Tweens feel embarrassed by parents yet still seek validation.
My son cringes at many of my actions—like when I wave enthusiastically in front of his friends or wear quirky hats during drop-off. Yet, when I praise his creativity in storytelling, he’ll exclaim, “You’re the best mom ever!” reminding me that he still values my support. - Tweens challenge authority as they forge independence.
He often complains about school, procrastinates on assignments, and questions the relevance of subjects like biology (“When will I ever need to know about mitochondria?”). Yet, despite his reluctance, he consistently achieves good grades, showcasing his wit and humor that surpasses his age. - Tweens can be loud as they discover their voices.
My son speaks with unrestrained enthusiasm, often at maximum volume. His love for punk rock music fills the house, shaking the walls as he dives into tunes that resonate with him, allowing for new forms of self-expression. - Tweens test boundaries to understand their limits.
He frequently questions household rules and experiments with language—always with a disclaimer, “Excuse me, but I’m going to use some strong words now.” I can’t help but feel a sense of pride in his growing independence. - Tweens embrace quirks as they navigate self-identity.
My son often draws doodles on his arms and legs, proudly displaying his creativity without concern for others’ opinions. Next week, he might adopt a completely different trend, and that’s part of his exploration. - Tweens resist being treated like children while nurturing empathy.
He rolls his eyes at our nostalgic stories about his childhood. Yet, he recently sold some toys to donate to a local shelter, showcasing his growing sense of responsibility and care for others. - Tweens may seem aloof, but they cherish your presence.
Often found in his room after school, he emerges only for snacks and family time. Nevertheless, he still enjoys watching favorite shows with me and engaging in book discussions with his dad.
Raising a tween presents a myriad of challenges and unexpected surprises that we navigate daily. My partner and I are continually adjusting our approach to avoid setting off a “tween bomb.”
While they can be obstinate and dramatic, the essence of our tweens remains unchanged. They are fervently carving out their identities and becoming uniquely independent individuals—sometimes difficult, yes, but ultimately amazing, with every quirk and trait contributing to their development.
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Summary:
Tweens may exhibit challenging behaviors, but these traits signify their journey toward independence, self-expression, and empathy. By understanding and embracing these moments, parents can support their growth into unique individuals.