My sense of humor tends to lean toward the darker side. I often find myself laughing a bit too loudly at shows like Netflix’s Dead To Me. Sometimes, I silently add “unless he passes away” to memes about love and eternity. I frequently need to check with someone who hasn’t experienced loss to ensure a photo or phrase I want to share isn’t too morbid.
But I don’t consider myself broken or overly morbid; I’m simply a widow. My outlook and humor have been shaped by watching my husband gradually succumb to an illness that took away his laughter, his joy, and ultimately, his life. The sign outside the fort my children built in our living room reads “Caution: Death” in bold black letters. My kids often remind me, without hesitation, that they understand I will die one day—just as we all must. A few times a year, they play tag and hide-and-seek in a cemetery, giggling in the grassy areas next to the memorial stones.
Yet they’re not morbid or broken. They are kiddows. Their understanding of life and loss is rooted in the painful experience of watching their father fade away, a tragedy no child should have to endure.
When adults hear my kiddows discuss death candidly, their reactions often reveal concern. They glance at me with a mix of “Are they okay?” and “Should I be worried?” I simply shake my head, reassuring them with unspoken words that my children’s bluntness is not a problem. Their honesty is a strength, one that I am just beginning to grasp.
1. Understanding Death as Inevitable
For many, including myself, death is something that happens to others, in different narratives. We often live with the illusion that we are immune. My kiddows, however, recognize the inevitability of death and choose to live life fully despite it.
2. Grief Isn’t Something to Fix
Having experienced loss, they know grief cannot be cured. They understand that simply being present for a friend in pain is sometimes all that’s needed, rather than attempting to fix the situation.
3. Acceptance of Life’s Uncertainty
My children have faced the chaos of life head-on, wishing for storms to pass but learning that wishing alone won’t change reality. Their courage to keep moving forward in an uncontrollable world is truly inspiring.
4. Emotional Awareness
They are starting to recognize how their emotions influence their actions. Although they may not always articulate this perfectly, they’ve begun to understand that sadness can sit in their stomachs while anger might manifest in their fists. This awareness helps them navigate their feelings with grace.
5. Asking for Help
They aren’t hesitant to seek help when emotions become overwhelming. They understand the importance of having a safe space to process their heartaches, and they have no qualms about seeking therapy.
6. Curiosity Without Fear
My kiddows fearlessly ask tough questions that stump many adults. They patiently await honest answers, even when it’s as simple as “I don’t know.”
7. Finding Joy in Small Moments
I often get pulled away from chores by their excitement over a brightly colored bird or the beauty of a sunset. They know how to appreciate the little things in life.
8. Love and Its Permanence
They grasp that while death is final, love transcends it. Love is the greatest gift we can give, remaining untarnished by death.
I am a widow, and my kids are kiddows. Their experiences have shaped their understanding of life and death in ways that might make others uncomfortable, but they are not broken. They carry a wisdom born from tragedy and grief, forever enriched by their truths.
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Summary: This article explores how the loss of a husband has shaped the perspectives of his children, highlighting their understanding of life, death, and the importance of love and empathy. The author reflects on their resilience, emotional awareness, and the lessons they’ve learned from grief, emphasizing that they are not broken but rather enriched by their experiences.