Stay-at-home dads often face some unusual remarks. Why is that? To many, the idea of a man taking on the primary caregiving role is still a relatively new phenomenon. Although more men are embracing full-time parenting, it often clashes with traditional gender expectations. The types of comments we receive can vary widely, from innocent inquiries to quite disrespectful assumptions. Whether at the park, supermarket, or clinic, people feel compelled to share their thoughts. Thankfully, many individuals, especially women, commend our efforts, but there are just as many who question our choices.
To support my fellow dads, here are eight phrases you should avoid saying to a stay-at-home father. This list is just a starting point.
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“Is your wife the one in charge?”
Just because I’ve chosen to stay at home doesn’t mean I’ve relinquished authority in my marriage. My wife and I see our partnership as equal; we both wear the proverbial pants. Honestly, I rarely wear pants at home—my son and I often enjoy our mornings in our pajamas. If that leads others to believe my wife is the dominant one, I’m okay with it, especially since she often does wear the pants in the literal sense. -
“Did you get laid off?”
If you can’t imagine a man opting to be a stay-at-home dad, perhaps your perspective on fatherhood is limited. Employment doesn’t define masculinity. Stay-at-home fathers are men regardless of whether they are working or not. Please don’t assume we lack professional competence. -
“Are you trying to be different?”
No, I’m simply doing what works best for my family. My wife is an amazing mother, but my temperament is more suited to being at home. I embrace the unique challenges of parenting, from dodging toys to navigating nap-time negotiations. I don’t require recognition, but it would be nice to have a badge for my efforts. -
“When will you get a ‘real’ job?”
Have you ever spent time with a toddler? If you’re asking this question, I suspect you haven’t. Managing a young child is exhausting work, providing no salary or benefits. And if they decide to skip naptime, well, that’s a whole different challenge. -
“Don’t you feel strange letting your wife be the main provider?”
This isn’t the 1950s. If you feel threatened by a woman earning more than you, that’s your issue, not mine. A real man prioritizes what’s best for his family over his ego. -
“Are you babysitting?”
This question is incredibly frustrating. You wouldn’t ask a mother this, so why ask me? I’m fulfilling my role as a father, which every dad should do. Babysitting is for teenagers looking to earn some extra cash; I am a parent. -
“Are you Mr. Mom?”
No, I am not Mr. Mom. That term was amusing two decades ago, but now it feels outdated. I don’t need to redefine my gender to take care of my kids. -
“You must have so much free time—do you just watch TV all day?”
I typically watch about an hour of TV daily with my son, but it’s mostly children’s shows like Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood or Curious George. During my child’s first year, the only downtime I had was during naptime, which I often used to recharge.
Next time someone asks about my role as a stay-at-home dad, I might just borrow a quip from my friend, who says, “I retired at 35 after hitting the lottery.”
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Summary
Stay-at-home dads often encounter misguided comments that reflect outdated views on gender roles. From questions about authority in the household to assumptions about their employment status, these remarks can be frustrating. It’s essential to recognize that caregiving is a valid and important role for any parent, regardless of gender.