Every spring and fall, my grandmother would embark on her window-washing ritual. She’d pull the panes out of the sills, lean them against the walls, and scrub them with blue glass cleaner and newspaper until they sparkled. Sure, she complained about it, but it seemed to bring her a sense of accomplishment.
I can hear her disapproving spirit now, as I’ve lived in my home for seven years without ever washing the windows. I’ve wiped a few spots here and there, but those panes have never felt the touch of glass cleaner. We see through our windows with a certain fogginess, and frankly, we don’t mind. Who has time for window cleaning when I can’t even afford a housekeeper?
Windows are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to household chores I ignore, put off, or outright refuse to tackle. I know I’m not alone in this struggle—let’s face it, some chores just aren’t worth the hassle.
1. Washing the Walls
My grandmother was meticulous about wall cleaning, scrubbing them down with rags and spray. But honestly, is that really necessary? I only clean mine when my toddler decides to unleash their artistic side with crayons or markers. Spoiler: it doesn’t come off easily, which is why my hallway resembles a modern art exhibit gone wrong.
2. Scrubbing the Baseboards
Baseboards? Those decorative strips at the bottom of the wall? I barely know what they are, let alone have the time to scrub them. Cleaning would also require moving furniture, and I simply don’t do that. Who knows what kind of treasures—or horrors—lie beneath?
3. Cleaning Under the Couch
Ah, the mysterious abyss beneath the couch, where dust bunnies and forgotten toys reside. It’s a dark realm filled with empty juice boxes, lost action figures, and things my kid finds valuable, like broken crayons. I prefer to leave that mystery untouched.
4. Washing Couch Pillows
Apparently, some people wash their couch pillows. I only think about it if my dog has an accident on them, which is a sign of my negligence. Those pillows are lucky if they get fluffed, and I doubt I’ll ever even check for zippers. They mostly serve as makeshift laptop stands while I zone out as my kids wreak havoc.
5. Bleaching the Kids’ Toys
Some mothers go above and beyond, collecting their children’s toys to bleach and sanitize them. I admire that dedication, but my kids’ toys seem to appear and vanish like magic. I can’t even keep track of the plastic dinosaurs, let alone gather them for a bleach bath. I’ll stick to using bleach for laundry instead.
6. Organizing the Closets
My closet is a time capsule filled with items from decades past, complete with dog hair and forgotten toys. Occasionally, my kids go on expeditions in there, seeking Narnia. We call it charming to avoid confronting the chaos.
7. Cleaning the Washer
You’re supposed to run a cleaning cycle on the washing machine every few loads, right? Honestly, I think the washer does a decent job of cleaning itself with everything I toss in. I mean, it’s a washing machine, not a pet rock.
8. Wiping Down the Refrigerator Top
The top of my fridge is a no-man’s land, only visible to the heavens. It’s a resting place for forgotten cereal boxes and other kitchen clutter. I’ll get to it eventually—probably when we move or when the fridge finally gives up the ghost.
Some might call me a slovenly parent unfit to raise small boys, while others are probably nodding along and appreciating my honesty. I’m just brave enough to admit that I don’t do deep cleaning, and may the universe have mercy on my house.
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Summary:
In this humorous take on household chores, I share the eight tasks I refuse to engage in due to a lack of time and motivation. From neglecting window washing and wall scrubbing to avoiding the chaos of closet organization, I embrace the reality that some chores simply aren’t worth the effort. While some may judge my cleaning habits, I find solace in knowing I’m not alone in this struggle.