Looking for a little humor in your day? Or maybe just a fun addition to your snack time? Nuts are not only a tasty treat but also a healthy one, brimming with protein, fiber, and good fats. They will not let you down (see what we did there?). To celebrate these delicious little powerhouses, we’ve compiled a delightful collection of wholesome nut jokes to share with your kids the next time they turn their noses up at nuts on their plate.
But before we dive into the nutty humor, did you know there are 11 different types of nuts? These include pistachios, hazelnuts, cashews, Marcona almonds, macadamia nuts, peanuts, almonds, Brazil nuts, pine nuts, and pecans. Each variety has its own unique flavor and health benefits, so whichever one you choose, your body will thank you.
In this joke collection, we use the term “nut” a bit loosely, including coconuts and acorns, which technically aren’t true nuts. But hey, they’re funny, so we included them! We hope this does not leave you disappointed. Let’s crack on!
Best Nut Jokes
- Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts. - Which nut is the most valuable?
A cash-ew. - What type of nut travels to space?
An astro-nut. - What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree. - Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Peanut. Peanut who? Peanut butter open the door! - Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut. - What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.” - What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
Cashew. - What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume. - How did the nut prepare for its exam?
It used the inter-nut. - Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts. - Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station. - Which nut is best at tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews. - What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas. - What competition do nuts enter?
The peanut butter cup. - Why did the boy leave his chestnuts out in the rain?
He wanted them rusted. - Why didn’t the pecan attend the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker. - Why did the nut visit the bank?
To cashew its check. - Where do squirrels go to have fun?
The acorn-ival. - What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog. - What did one nut shout to the other while chasing?
“I’m gonna cashew!” - How do you befriend a squirrel?
Act like a nut. - What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn. - Why was there peanut butter on the road?
It went with the traffic jam. - What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late. - Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? I butter nut tell you. - What’s a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle. - Did you hear about the pecan, walnut, and cashew?
It was nut funny. - Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted. - Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Cash. Cash who? No thanks, I prefer walnuts. - Which nut has the most World Cup wins?
A Brazil nut. - Why did the squirrel ask for a raise?
He was paid peanuts. - What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io. - Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Walnut. Walnut who? I walnut tell you. It’s a secret. - What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut. - What do you call a nut who loves chess?
A chess-nut. - What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.” - When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif. - What did the guest say at the peanut butter dinner party?
“Nice spread!” - Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt. - How do you summarize a cashew?
In a nutshell. - What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.” - What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio. - What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks. - What sandwich spread makes people itchy?
Flea-nut butter. - What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was. - What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut. - What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside! - The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted. - What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews. - How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut. - Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Best Nut Puns and One-Liners
- Cashew a question? Nut now!
- The nut is so solid it’s peanut brittle.
- If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
- Don’t panic! Stay c-almond collected.
- The peanut gained confidence and finally came out of its shell.
- I have a pun, but I will nut-tella you!
- I want an almond-flavored biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am!
- A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
- I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.
- I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
- I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder milk.
- Your secret is safe with me. I walnut tell a soul!
- Cashew see I’m nuts about you!?
- You must be rich! You’ve got all the cash-ews.
- I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.
- You pe-can do it!
- No pine, no gain!
- If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
- Do you like my a-corn-y jokes?
- Pistachio can’t, but pe-can.
- Float like a butternut, sting like a bee.
- A pecan is motivated because pe-can do anything.
- Don’t look! I saw you pecan through the window!
- For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
- I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
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Summary
This collection of over 75 nut jokes and puns is a fun way to introduce kids to the benefits of nuts while keeping them entertained. With a variety of jokes that range from silly to clever, there’s something for everyone to enjoy. Perfect for mealtime or snack time, these jokes will surely bring laughter and joy to your family.