Let’s face it: coffee is a fundamental part of life. It’s no surprise that this divine beverage inspires a plethora of quirky facts and witty quotes. While nothing can quite compare to that first sip of a steaming cup of coffee, these delightful jokes and puns come in a close second. On those sleepy mornings, coffee is there to lift your spirits, ready to provide some much-needed humor. If you’re a caffeine enthusiast in search of some good laughs (or just a little pick-me-up), you’ve landed in the right spot! Enjoy these to start your day on a high note.
Jokes and Puns
Barista: How do you take your coffee?
Me: Very, very seriously.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Despresso!
What’s the best Beatles song? Latte Be!
Spouse #1: Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt.
Spouse #2: That’s not surprising; it was just ground this morning.
How does Moses brew his coffee? He brews it.
What did the coffee lover name her son? Joe, of course.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats? Cream and Sugar.
How can you tell if you’ve had enough coffee? You start channel surfing without using the remote.
How does a serial killer prefer his coffee? Just like his victims—ground up.
What’s divorce like compared to espresso? Both are costly and leave a bitter taste.
What do you call a cow that’s just had a calf? De-calf-inated!
If you’ve been named “Employee of the Month” at a coffee shop you don’t work at, you might be overdoing it on the coffee.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Where do birds go to grab their caffeine fix? The NESTcafe.
What did the coffee addict tell his doctor? My issue isn’t coffee; it’s not having it!
Stealing someone’s coffee is called mugging!
I drink so much coffee at work that it’s practically part of my daily grind.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion? I asked for coffee!
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
How does a technology enthusiast drink coffee? He installs Java!
What do you call it when cafe customers joke about their coffee? A brewhaha.
What’s a coffee lover’s pickup line? I’ve been thinking about you a latte.
Why is coffee referred to as mud? Because it was ground a few minutes ago.
Why are Italians such great baristas? They know how to espresso themselves!
Coffee beans and kids share a trait—they’re always getting grounded!
If you sit down for a hot cup of coffee, your boss will inevitably ask you to do something until it’s cold.
What’s the opposite of coffee? Sneezy.
Why is it essential for Jewish men to brew a good cup of coffee? Because, as per the Torah, He Brews!
Someone swiped my coffee cup at work. Now I’m off to the police station to check out some mug shots.
How can one bad cup of coffee lead to a divorce? One person might think it’s grounds for separation.
What do you call it when you walk into a cafe and feel like you’ve been there before? Déjà brew.
What did the barista’s Valentine say? I can’t espresso how much I love you!
What’s the technical term for a coffee pot at work? Break fluid.
A factory worker passed away after falling into a vat of coffee. Although it shocked everyone, they found solace in knowing he didn’t suffer—it was instant.
What’s big, hairy, and drinks a lot of coffee? Java the Hut!
Soup of the day: Coffee!
What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka.
What did the Brazilian coffee say to the Indonesian coffee? What’s Sumatra with you?
I’m about to have a risky cup of coffee… but I’ll be safe tea first!
Every morning, I see this tired woman who looks like she’d do anything for a cup of coffee. I should probably move that mirror.
Why should you be cautious of 5-cent espresso? It’s a cheap shot!
What do you call the first level of a coffee factory? The ground floor.
A tall blonde walks into Starbucks. The barista says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The blonde replies, “You have a drink named Tiffani?”
Why shouldn’t coffee be discussed in polite company? It can lead to heated debates.
Why did the espresso keep glancing at his watch? He was pressed for time.
What kind of sugar does Lady Gaga use in her coffee? Raw raw raw raw raw.
A man visited his psychiatrist complaining that he felt a stabbing pain in his right eye whenever he drank coffee. The psychiatrist asked, “Have you tried taking the spoon out?”
I recently got a fancy coffee maker with lots of perks.
A guy walks into a cafe and orders a coffee to go. The coffee gets up and leaves!
What currency do we use to buy coffee in space? S T A R B U C K S.
Did you hear about the fellow who placed little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup? He believed that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
“Hey barista, how much for a cup of coffee?” asks a customer.
“Two dollars, and refills are free,” replies the barista.
“Great! Then I’ll just have a refill,” the customer responds.
People often ask if I wake up grumpy. No, I just bring him some coffee.
Why don’t I enjoy hot drinks? They’re just not my cup of tea.
I once tried to brew my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. I left my house for work, and 15 minutes later, I realized I forgot my car!
Why does Starbucks get away with charging high prices for coffee? They have Italian names for everything!
How do you make pig jerky? Give them some coffee.
Drinking too much espresso can create a latte problems.
You’re brew-ti-ful!
Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me.
It’s tough to express my feelings for you.
We’re the ideal blend.
Where have you bean all my life?
What do beans say to their Valentines? You keep me grounded.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company—it can lead to strong debates.
I made a pot of coffee, espresso-ly for you.
What’s a coffee’s favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With Your Best Shot!
What’s its favorite Bob Marley tune? Don’t Worry, Be Frappé.
How did Henry VIII prefer his coffee? Decap.
What’s a barista’s favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind!
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let’s stir up some trouble!
What’s a barista’s favorite gym exercise? The French press.
This article was initially published on December 19, 2019.
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Summary: Coffee is life, and with that comes an abundance of delightful jokes and puns that can bring a smile to any caffeine lover’s face. From clever one-liners to playful wordplay, these quips are sure to give you a good laugh and brighten your day. Whether you enjoy coffee for the rich flavor or the boost it provides, this collection of humorous quips about coffee is perfect for starting your morning on a lighthearted note.