When my daughter, Lily, was diagnosed with leukemia at nine, I found myself overwhelmed by the kindness of friends, family, and even acquaintances. They rallied around us, providing meals, watching my other children, and offering emotional support. Yet, many struggled to find the right words to say. To help others navigate these challenging conversations, I’ve compiled a list of thoughtful responses and insights on how to effectively support a parent dealing with their child’s cancer diagnosis.
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“How is your child and your family holding up?”
Thank you for acknowledging the depth of our situation. I appreciate when people express concern for all my children, not just Lily. This open-ended question gives me the freedom to share what I’m comfortable with, which can fluctuate from moment to moment. The only downside is when someone asks but seems unable to handle my answer. In such cases, a simple “I’m thinking of you” is a more comfortable alternative. -
“Your child is in my thoughts and prayers.”
Knowing that my daughter is in your thoughts means the world to me. It’s incredibly empowering to realize there are people who genuinely care about her well-being. When I feel low, I remember the support network behind us. Friends who identify as “prayer warriors” have filled my heart with hope. -
“How can I help?”
While this question comes from a good place, I often find it hard to articulate my needs. Instead, I truly appreciate when friends take the initiative—bringing meals, offering to take my other children out for a day, or surprising me with small treats. I remember coming home to find our neighbors clearing the driveway and friends tackling home projects. These acts of kindness, especially cleaning my house, have been invaluable as we navigate this long journey. -
“I know someone who has/had cancer.”
While I appreciate the intention behind sharing experiences, I find stories about struggles often do more harm than good. Instead, I would much rather hear about children who have triumphed over cancer and are thriving today. Those positive stories provide hope during dark times. -
“She’ll pull through; I just know it.”
While I understand this is meant to reassure me, it can feel dismissive of the uncertainty we face. I am hopeful, but right now, I am focused on today—sometimes even just the next few minutes. Statements like this can inadvertently remind me of the unpredictability of the future. -
“I don’t know how you do it.”
This situation was thrust upon us; we didn’t choose it. Any parent would rise to the occasion, ensuring their child receives necessary treatment and comfort. I am managing my emotions—anger, fear, frustration, and hope—while doing what needs to be done. -
“Would you like to go for a walk?”
This simple invitation is often a breath of fresh air. If someone can watch Lily, I’m usually eager to join a friend for a stroll. It helps alleviate anxiety and gives me a momentary escape from the weight of our circumstances. During our walks, I can share my thoughts while also hearing about what’s happening in their lives, creating a balance amidst our cancer journey.
Recognizing my daughter’s battle and addressing it directly is how I cope. Every family’s experience with childhood cancer is unique, but I believe most parents would agree that support is crucial. Demonstrating care—through actions or words—can significantly impact a family facing this challenge.
For more insights on supporting families dealing with childhood cancer, check out these resources: City of Hope, Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, and Ped-Onc Resource Center. If you’re interested in learning how innovative tools like a robot helped Lily attend school during treatment, you can read about it here.
In summary, being there for a parent navigating a child’s illness requires sensitivity and understanding. Acknowledging the situation, offering practical support, and providing emotional encouragement can make a significant difference in their journey.