Just two months after hitting the big four-oh, my partner and I decided to take the plunge into parenthood. Miraculously, within two weeks, I found out I was expecting. “But that was our first attempt!” I exclaimed. “Who does that?”
“This guy,” my husband replied, pointing to himself with a grin.
What had we gotten ourselves into? I assumed we had a good six months to mentally prepare for the transition to parenthood. Honestly, I wasn’t entirely convinced I was ready. (But hey, props to my 40-year-old uterus for stepping up!) Then came the day I was browsing area rugs at a local store when I felt an unsettling tug in my stomach. Probably just nerves, I thought. The following morning, as I went about my routine and turned to flush the toilet, something caught my attention.
After five hours spent in waiting rooms and one ultrasound later, the radiologist solemnly confirmed what I feared. “There’s typically a reason these things happen,” he stated. “The fetus was likely not viable.”
Two months later, I found myself pregnant again. While I wouldn’t wish a miscarriage on anyone, the experience imparted invaluable lessons that ultimately made me a better mom.
1. Relax and Let Go
You know how people who are a little tipsy tend to avoid injury because they’re relaxed? That was my mantra during my second pregnancy. The first time around, I inundated myself with books, documentaries, and all the healthy habits meant to ensure a perfect pregnancy. I took vitamins religiously, prioritized sleep, and spent a small fortune on organic groceries. My unborn child likely had a cleaner diet than most adults.
However, when I learned I was pregnant again, I celebrated by indulging in two wheels of brie and a mountain of raw cookie dough. Sure, I knew the risks associated with those choices, but I was too scared to form an attachment. Instead of obsessing over nutrients, I focused on embracing the experience of being pregnant. And it was wonderful—every stretch mark and every pound felt like a gift. And let’s be real: if you’ve taken an infant CPR class, you know the real challenges begin after the baby arrives.
2. Material Possessions Don’t Matter
My husband and I were thrilled to score a gorgeous leather sectional from a high-end outlet. Of course, that meant we needed nice throw pillows and a new coffee table to match. Fast forward to today: that coffee table is now a train table, the throw pillows have been ruined by a stomach bug, and the couch—well, let’s just say it has seen better days. So, yeah, no interior design magazines will be featuring our home anytime soon.
3. Embrace the “Yes”
Some nights, all I want is a glass of wine and a drama-filled evening, but instead, I’m munching on snacks and watching kids’ shows with my little one. My 32-pound toddler insists on climbing all over me while I juggle grocery bags filled with organic produce. I know that one day, he won’t want to snuggle or call for me to dry him off after bath time. So right now, I’m all about saying “yes” to those moments.
4. I Chose Wisely
A hysterical pregnancy is when someone exhibits pregnancy symptoms without actually being pregnant. A hysterical miscarriage, however, is when a husband struggles to cope with his partner’s loss. After my miscarriage, my husband, who had devoured a large salad, claimed he had food poisoning. “Oh God, my stomach hurts!” he wailed. “Are you serious?” I thought, wanting to throw a pillow at him.
Eventually, we realized that his guilt over not knowing how to support me was manifesting as physical discomfort. Oddly enough, this experience bonded us further. We were navigating this journey together, which added a layer of humor to our situation.
5. My Body is Resilient
I found myself questioning every decision I had ever made regarding my health. Did my body fail me? Was I too confident about getting pregnant so quickly? After much reflection, it hit me: my body was functioning as it should. Miscarriages often occur due to developmental issues, not personal failings. So, I learned to be kinder to myself.
6. Finding My Tribe
Initially, I thought I was alone in my experience. But as I began to share my story, I discovered how common miscarriages are. Many friends confided they had gone through similar experiences. This camaraderie not only deepened my friendships but also bolstered my confidence as a mother. Together, we share our struggles and support each other—because it really does take a village.
7. Learning to Prioritize
Yes, there are chores that need attention, but sometimes, Elmo is calling us to dance to the ABCs, and that takes precedence. I may miss a Weight Watchers meeting because we’re reading the same bedtime story for the umpteenth time. The dry cleaner can wait—my son and I will spend the day playing at the park instead. I’m all in on being a mom. Turns out, the fetus was indeed viable after all.
In conclusion, while my miscarriage was a heart-wrenching experience, it led me to become a more relaxed, appreciative, and connected mother. If you’re interested in exploring home insemination options, check out our post on the impregnator at-home insemination kit. And if you’re looking for authoritative information on maternal health, visit Airborne Infections and Viruses: What Moms-to-Be Should Know. For those considering assisted reproduction, this resource on IVF is excellent.