Navigating the journey of trying to conceive can be incredibly challenging. After 18 long months of attempting to conceive our first child, I’ve learned firsthand how emotionally taxing this experience can be. While I understand that my timeline may not seem extensive in the grand scheme of life, it felt like an eternity at the time.
Near the end of those 18 months, we consulted with a reproductive endocrinologist, undergoing numerous tests. One of those tests, where they injected dye into my fallopian tubes, is a memory I won’t soon forget. Ultimately, we discovered that my husband needed to make some simple lifestyle adjustments to improve his sperm count, which led to our successful conception.
Despite the happy outcome, I vividly recall the emotional turmoil of those months filled with anxiety and jealousy, especially as two close friends of mine conceived almost immediately while I was still waiting. The unsolicited advice from well-meaning acquaintances only added to the frustration. From distant relatives to strangers online, it seemed everyone had a supposed solution for my struggles.
If you know someone enduring fertility challenges, here’s a guide on what to refrain from saying:
- Just Relax. This phrase is overly familiar and often unhelpful. The month I finally got pregnant was one of the most stressful of my life, as we were facing the prospect of IVF due to my husband’s sperm issues.
- Being Pregnant Is Overrated. While I understand that pregnancy can have its downsides, saying this to someone desperate to conceive is inconsiderate. For those yearning for a baby, any discomfort is a small price to pay for the joy of parenthood.
- Maybe You’re Not Meant to Have Children. This notion can be incredibly hurtful. Just because conception is difficult doesn’t mean someone isn’t destined to be a parent. Avoid this line of thinking.
- Try This Diet or Supplement. While some dietary changes can support fertility, unsolicited advice about specific foods or vitamins can feel dismissive. Any changes should ideally be discussed with a healthcare professional rather than suggested casually.
- Why Don’t You Just Stop Trying? This suggestion often accompanies the “just relax” advice and is equally unhelpful. There’s no evidence that taking a break from trying to conceive increases the likelihood of pregnancy.
- I Get Pregnant Easily. Comments like this can sting, even if meant in jest. Celebrating one’s own fertility does not have to come at the expense of someone else’s feelings.
- Adoption Is Always an Option. While adoption is a beautiful choice for many, it’s a deeply personal decision that should be discussed when the time is right. Bringing it up casually can feel dismissive of the couple’s current struggles.
People grappling with fertility want to be heard and understood. They need empathy and support rather than unsolicited advice. If you’re close to someone navigating this difficult path, offer them your ear and a comforting hug instead of trying to solve their challenges.
For those currently navigating the complexities of fertility, know that your feelings of sadness and frustration are valid. It’s a tough journey, but remember that you possess incredible strength, and whatever the future holds, you will be okay. For further insights on fertility, consider checking out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.
In addition, you might find helpful tips on your fertility journey in our post about couples’ fertility journey for intracervical insemination. Furthermore, if you’re looking for something fun to do, don’t miss this pancake recipe.
Summary
When supporting someone struggling with fertility, it’s crucial to avoid certain phrases that can be hurtful or dismissive. Instead, focus on offering empathy and understanding, allowing them to express their feelings without judgement.