We affectionately refer to our youngest as our “unexpected treasure.” It sounds much nicer than “oops baby.” To say that my third child’s arrival was a surprise is similar to stating that winter can be a bit chilly.
The odds of another pregnancy seemed nearly impossible. I was already 40 years old, with visible signs of aging (which I jokingly acknowledged during my surprise birthday celebration), a long history of endometriosis (a notorious fertility disruptor), and only one ovary left—having had the other removed six years prior due to recurrent benign cysts. We were finished having children; my husband had a vasectomy scheduled for that very week. After taking a brief course of antibiotics, I didn’t think twice about the reliability of my soon-to-be unnecessary birth control. Honestly, what were the chances?
Apparently, I should be buying lottery tickets. Because against all odds, the test turned blue (on April Fool’s Day, no less!).
When my first child was born in my 20s, I was labeled a young mom. By the time my second son arrived three years later, I was considered experienced. Yet, the moment the ultrasound confirmed my third pregnancy, I was immediately categorized as a “Mother of Advanced Maternal Age”—a title that would be reiterated throughout my pregnancy, a staggering number of times.
Adding a baby to an already established family presents its own set of unique challenges:
- Your Teenagers Will Be Shocked (At First)
The incredulous looks on my boys’ faces when we broke the news of my pregnancy were priceless. They were grappling with the thought of their new sibling’s conception (yikes!) and the immediate concern of how this would affect their lives. Eventually, they realized that their baby sister was a total magnet for attention, especially at high school events. I found myself snapping more pictures of her with his friends during prom festivities than of my son in his tux! - People Will Question Your Relationship With the Baby
Yes, some individuals can be quite rude. If you’re out with your teenagers, onlookers may wrongly assume the baby belongs to them. - You’ll Rediscover the Magic of Childhood
Before Aubrey, I hadn’t mentioned Santa in years. The last time I had, I was in a parent-teacher conference discussing my son’s rather skeptical view on the jolly old fellow. But with Aubrey around, all the holiday magic returned! From Easter egg hunts to Halloween costumes, it’s toys galore once again—goodbye to solely gifting teen tech! - You Might Need New Friends
The friends you’ve had for years, whose kids are the same age as your first two, are now busy with their own empty nests. You’ll find yourself needing to connect with new parents. Yes, you may feel like the oldest in the group, but you’ll adapt. One of my new friends has a mother who is only a decade older than me! - Plan for Divided Family Activities
When your kids’ ages span a wide gap, coordinating activities can be tricky. For instance, instead of forcing the teens to wait in long lines at Disneyland, we let them explore Disney California Adventure while my husband and I accompanied Aubrey on It’s a Small World for the umpteenth time. - Forget About an Empty Nest Anytime Soon
The idea of an empty nest is off the table for quite a while. Thankfully, when my youngest started preschool, my eldest began college 1,700 miles away. The adjustment would have been unbearable if it weren’t for the fact that I was still watching Sesame Street and cutting up peanut butter and jelly sandwiches into triangles. - Prepare for a Bittersweet Journey
After my first two kids, I was sure I was done and content with that choice. But finding myself unexpectedly parenting again later in life brought new emotions. Each milestone my baby reaches feels like a poignant reminder of the last time I experienced those moments with my older children.
The arrival of my late-in-life daughter has shifted how I embrace motherhood in ways I never anticipated. Regardless of the challenges and reminders of my “advanced maternal age,” I cherish every moment with my unexpected treasure, the little one who has forever changed my life.
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In summary, welcoming another child after 40 brings a fresh set of challenges and joys. Expect surprises, new friendships, and a delightful return to childhood wonders, all while navigating the complexities of family dynamics with a significant age gap.