7 Parenting Approaches I’ve Left Behind Since Welcoming My Second Child

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As parents, we often find ourselves inundated with information, navigating a sea of opinions on every topic from breastfeeding choices to extracurricular activities. In her article for The New York Times, Sarah Watts highlights how this information overload can pressure us to adopt specific parenting identities, like Attachment Parenting or Tiger Parenting. However, as time goes by, many of us discover that these labels can become burdensome. Here are seven parenting styles I’ve decided to set aside since adding a second child to the mix.

  1. Charming Bento Box Parenting
    With my first child, I was all about the adorable accessories—everything from whimsical snack containers shaped like woodland creatures to beautifully crafted picnic blankets. Fast forward to my second child, and the reality is starkly different. Now, my older child heads off to school with a lunch crammed into a dented yogurt cup and an old mint tin.
  2. Polished Outfit Parenting
    Before kids, I loved hunting for the perfect jeans or a stylish top. After my first child, I kept it up fairly well. But with the second, I find myself gravitating toward comfy sweatpants. As my friend Laura puts it, “Don’t fall too deep into the cozy abyss,” so I’ve settled for a mix of loose black pants and tops that have a bit of flair. Apparently, the transition zone between chic and completely casual is what I like to call Yoga Chic.
  3. Zombie Frog Parenting
    You remember from biology class how a dead frog could twitch when poked? That’s how I feel when my son wails in the night—like a lifeless thing being prodded. These days, instead of jumping out of bed at his first cry, I take a moment to breathe. More often than not, he settles back down on his own, that initial cry just a fleeting call for attention.
  4. Mmmm, Let’s Discuss? Parenting
    In the early days, I was the parent who would kneel down to my child’s level, calmly explaining the need to leave the playground. “Sophia, we should think about heading home now because Daddy will be back soon, mmmmmkay?” My daughter, however, who is still learning to talk and has her own agenda, would scream in protest. I’ve since realized that parenting isn’t about negotiations. Now, I simply announce, “We’re leaving,” and off we go, despite the inevitable protests—at least I don’t feel like I’m failing at diplomacy.
  5. Pre-Dinner Cocktail Parenting
    With my first child, it was routine to unwind with a cocktail while preparing dinner. But with two kids, I need all my wits about me; otherwise, I risk being overwhelmed by their combined chaos. Now, I save my drinks for after they’ve gone to bed, which feels much more rewarding.
  6. Deep Staring Parenting
    Initially, I was influenced by attachment parenting principles, meticulously ensuring every gaze was met and every move followed. However, as life gets busier, I’ve found I can ease up a bit. My second child manages to thrive without the constant focus. Now, I’m often surprised when I glance up and see my little one wandering into the room, almost as if I’d forgotten they were there.
  7. Obsessive Cleaning Parenting
    Why is there always something sticky on the floor? This is a mystery I’ve yet to solve. I used to scrub every surface daily, armed with rubber gloves and a bucket of cleaner. Now, I give the floor a quick swipe with a Clorox wipe and move on, embracing the chaos.

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In conclusion, parenting evolves, and so do our approaches. Embracing flexibility and letting go of perfection can lead to a more enjoyable experience for both parents and children alike.