Dear Expectant Me,
Pause for a moment before diving headfirst into that baby registry. There are essential truths about new motherhood that I wish someone had shared with me. As you prepare for the arrival of your little one, you’ve meticulously curated a nursery, selected the perfect layette, and researched breast pumps like a pro. You’ve scoured consumer reports for the best car seats, swings, and play yards. You’ve even packed a detailed birth plan outlining your wishes for childbirth. You’ve planned every detail for your baby’s needs, but have you considered your own?
Once that baby arrives, you might find yourself in a precarious dance with Self-Neglect. This sneaky partner will charm you with the illusion of being indispensable, leading you to prioritize your tiny human’s needs while neglecting your own. You may find yourself going days without a shower, convinced that a quick wipe-down with a burp cloth will suffice. Your grooming routine may become a distant memory, and your yoga pants will inevitably become a canvas for spit-up and baby food.
Your home will transform into a chaotic playground, littered with baby gear that seems to multiply overnight. You may even notice that the soothing sounds of toys activating at night have become your lullaby. The air might carry an unmistakable blend of baby poop and sour milk, and your friends may start referring to you as “quirky” due to your spontaneous renditions of children’s songs during their visits.
Eventually, this flirtation with neglect will evolve into a more serious relationship. You may wake up one day, looking in the mirror and realizing you don’t recognize the person staring back at you. This insidious partner will distort your sense of reality, whispering guilt whenever you attempt a moment of self-care. Simple pleasures like eating a meal or taking a shower may start to feel like luxuries instead of necessities.
But it doesn’t have to be this way. While a little flirtation is harmless, don’t allow Self-Neglect to become a permanent fixture in your life. Prioritize self-care. If you fall under Neglect’s spell, recovering your sense of self can be a long and arduous journey. You may find yourself feeling guilty for wanting to indulge in a good meal or a relaxing spa day, even years down the line.
So, let’s create a plan to maintain a healthy balance between motherhood and self-care:
- Daily Check-In: Take a minute each afternoon to assess your well-being. Are you feeling unkempt? Hungry? Lonely? It’s crucial to reclaim your time. If a full shower feels daunting, try washing your face or changing your shirt. Your baby will be just fine while you take a moment for yourself.
- Evening Reflection: Spend another minute each evening evaluating your physical state. Are you tense? Anxious? Step outside for fresh air, stretch, or listen to your favorite tunes. If time allows, treat yourself to a hot bubble bath.
- Friendships May Shift: As you navigate this new relationship with Self-Neglect, some friendships might change. Your single friends may not comprehend the challenges of self-care in motherhood. It’s okay to set boundaries while you explore this new territory.
- Family Dynamics: Your boundaries might ruffle some feathers, especially with family. Let your partner handle any pushback from relatives.
- Alone Time is Essential: Don’t hesitate to leave your baby with a trusted person and carve out time for yourself. Visit a coffee shop, enjoy an indulgent drink, and simply breathe. Go to a store and treat yourself to a few essentials and maybe a fun item or two. Embrace the time to kick Self-Neglect to the curb.
- Intimacy Matters: Make a pact with your partner to prioritize your pleasure before anything else. This will not only enhance your relationship but also irritate Self-Neglect.
- Moments of Indulgence: While not daily, allow yourself a few indulgent moments. We all have days that push us to our limits. A bag of chips or a margarita after a long day can feel like a necessary escape. Recognize the difference between self-care and indulgence; the former builds you up, while the latter can occasionally serve as a crutch.
I care for you, and remember that this lesson is valuable for your future self as well.
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Summary: New motherhood is a beautiful yet challenging journey that can lead to self-neglect. Prioritizing self-care is essential for your well-being. Implement daily check-ins, set boundaries, carve out alone time, and recognize the importance of intimacy. Indulgence has its place, but self-care is a necessity.