As a mother of three daughters aged 14, 11, and 5, I’ve accumulated a whopping 30 years of parenting experience. While that may sound impressive, the reality is that parenting is a constant journey of adaptation, resilience, and a great deal of self-compassion.
Both we and our children are continually changing. What worked wonderfully for one child—like strict nap schedules—might be completely irrelevant for another. I’m not sure I’m any more skilled at parenting my youngest than I was with my first, but I’ve certainly become more adept at identifying what matters most for each of my kids and myself. Looking back with a blend of experience and a willingness to learn, here are some crucial lessons I’ve gathered about raising children:
1. Perfection is a Myth.
Neither you nor your child will ever be perfect. Toss aside that unrealistic Pinterest vision of parenting and embrace reality. Before my oldest was born, I immersed myself in parenting literature and prepared meticulously, thinking I could nail it. The truth? Mistakes happen, and that’s entirely okay. There’s no singular right way to parent; rather, it’s about finding the imperfect yet beautiful approach that suits your family.
2. Children Need Less Than You Think.
Currently, my 5-year-old is happily occupying herself in a giant cardboard box, coloring away. There was a time I felt guilty for not engaging in structured activities. Now, I realize that simplicity can be enriching, and learning to cope with boredom is a valuable skill.
3. Listen More, Talk Less.
Children crave to be heard. I often find it challenging to rein in my instinct to talk, whether I’m sharing information or asking questions. Depending on their age and personality, too much questioning can backfire. Instead, I focus on smiling and listening to their stories, whether they’re about a frustrating friend or plans for lunch. It’s essential for them to feel acknowledged.
4. Kids Can Be Challenging.
Let’s be honest: kids can be a handful. They may act out for various reasons: they might be testing their limits, feeling confused, or just being mischievous. I no longer take their challenging behaviors personally. Instead, I aim to guide them towards better choices while maintaining my composure.
5. Missing Events Isn’t Catastrophic.
It’s impossible for me to attend every sports game, recital, or bake sale. Initially, I felt guilty for not being there, and sometimes my kids did too. However, they soon realize they can perform their best independently, and I get a little breather in the process.
6. You Are the Authority.
No matter how chaotic things get—whether it’s a toddler throwing a tantrum or a teenager slamming doors—remember that you are in charge. I’ve noticed that when I set clear boundaries, my children often settle down more quickly.
7. They Will Surprise You.
Just when I think my child-free friends might have the upper hand, my kids astonish me with their wisdom and affection. Just the other night, my youngest told me, “I don’t need to pee, Mama. I just need to hug and kiss and love you!” For 24 hours, I felt on top of the world. Then she accidentally left the hamster cage open, reminding me that parenting is an unpredictable adventure!
While I don’t have all the answers to parenting’s myriad challenges (if I did, I’d probably market that secret), my confidence grows with each experience. When I stumble, I remind my children of my love, forgive myself, and prepare for tomorrow’s journey.
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Summary:
This article explores seven important lessons learned from years of motherhood, emphasizing the importance of self-acceptance, the value of listening, and the reality that parenting is an ongoing learning process. It highlights that perfection is unattainable, kids often need less than we think, and we must embrace our role as authority figures in their lives while also allowing them space to grow independently.