I used to believe I was an exemplary wife. As a newlywed, I prioritized my marriage daily, indulging in the little things—like picking up my partner’s favorite craft beer on my way home, offering spontaneous massages, and graciously giving up the remote for his must-watch games, even if it meant missing my own shows.
People warned me that once we had a baby, things would shift. While I understood in theory, it was difficult to envision putting anyone ahead of my husband. He was my top priority, after all. But then, two years into our marriage, we welcomed a baby boy.
Guess who became the center of my universe? And sadly, when my husband was demoted to second place, it resulted in a lot of yelling. However, before you rush to organize a “Husbands of New Moms” support group or offer him your couch, let me clarify: it’s not easy being the one doing the yelling either. The wife I once was—who rarely raised her voice because life was relatively calm—has transformed into a frazzled version of myself, often shouting at my husband until I lose my voice (and sanity).
Here are the top six reasons why I find myself raising my voice at my partner:
- I Can’t Yell at the Baby
About 90% of the time when I’m raising my voice, it’s about the baby. Unless someone is heartless, you can’t scream at a sweet, innocent infant for the chaos they bring. So, my husband becomes the target for my frustrations, as I blame him for the baby’s antics.
– The baby woke up every hour last night for no reason at all.
– The baby spit up all over me just when I was dressed for work and running late.
– The baby spent the entire day crying, and since I’m not a monster, I couldn’t yell back. - I Can’t Yell at My Boss or Coworkers
I genuinely enjoy my job as a writer and editor for a major financial institution. The team I work with is fantastic; they are kind, adaptable, and value work-life balance. However, that doesn’t mean they don’t occasionally irritate me. After spending 40 hours a week with the same people, frustrations can arise. When they do, I vent my annoyance at home, which seems reasonable, right? - I Haven’t Eaten All Day
I embody the term “hangry.” My partner learned early on that once I announce my hunger, he has a mere 15 minutes to feed me before I become insufferable. Juggling caring for our baby often means I neglect my own meals. More times than I can count, I’ve glanced at the clock to realize it’s 4 p.m., and I’ve only had a handful of crackers and sips of coffee. My husband better not come home empty-handed. - I Haven’t Slept in Months
Sleep deprivation is a well-known torture method. In the early days of parenting, I barely slept, feeling like a prisoner in my own home. The exhaustion took a toll on my mood and marriage. For three solid months, it felt like a competition over who would wake up with the baby. If my husband hesitated with a “No, I think it’s your turn,” I didn’t just raise my voice—I completely lost it. Even when I could barely form coherent thoughts, I found myself shouting at my bewildered partner at 3 a.m. because, if the baby wasn’t sleeping, neither was he. - I Didn’t Get to Run
I didn’t realize how essential running was to my identity until I could no longer make time for it. My husband understood that if I went too long without a run, I would become moody. He would encourage me to go and sometimes even join me. But with a baby consuming my free time, it’s become increasingly challenging to squeeze in a run. See points 1, 3, and 4 for more context. - He Always Forgives Me
Marriage is tough, and raising a newborn magnifies that challenge. It requires immense patience and grace, along with a lot of forgiveness. No matter how many times I’ve yelled or argued over whose turn it is to deal with the baby, my partner forgives me, time and time again.
I know this phase won’t last forever. I’m aware that our marriage will likely never face a more significant test than adjusting to life with our new family member. It’s not that we aren’t happy; when I’m not yelling and our baby is being adorable, we’re often happier than we ever knew we could be. It’s just a different kind of joy.
It’s the kind of joy that sneaks up on you while you’re lounging in bed on a lazy Sunday morning with your partner, baby, and dog sprawled around you. You feel a warmth in your cheeks from smiling so much. Yes, you might yell at your partner ten minutes later, but don’t let it spoil your day. Remember point number six—it’s always about forgiveness.
For more insights on parenting and navigating the complexities of home life, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and if you’re interested in fertility options, our post on a fertility booster for men might be helpful. You can also read about common feelings and anxieties during pregnancy here.
In summary, it’s crucial to acknowledge the challenges that come with parenting and the emotional toll it can take on relationships. While yelling might happen, it’s often a reflection of fatigue, stress, and the overwhelming love we have for our children. Remember to lean on each other, communicate openly, and, most importantly, forgive.