Kids have a way of surprising us with their honesty, but as parents, we often say things that we later regret. In moments of frustration or exhaustion, we may revert to phrases that we heard in our own childhoods, even if they aren’t helpful. It’s time to consider how our words impact our children and strive for more intentional communication. Here are six things we should all stop saying to kids.
Money
- “I’m not sure how we’ll afford that.”
- “You just cost me [insert amount] of money.”
- “I work to make money for your needs.”
- “My income is none of your concern.”
Kids are naturally curious about money and need to understand its value and limitations. They shouldn’t carry the weight of adult financial worries. Clinical psychologist Dr. Alex Grayson emphasizes that sharing financial stress can lead to anxiety in children. Instead, foster an understanding of money as a tool for security, not as a measure of worth.
Emotions
- “Stop crying.”
- “It’s not a big deal.”
- “You’re fine.”
- “Don’t be a baby.”
- “Stop worrying.”
- “Calm down.”
When we tell kids to calm down during their emotional moments, we often dismiss their feelings. Experts like child psychologist Dr. Lisa Montgomery stress the importance of validating emotions. Kids experience strong feelings, and it’s crucial to help them articulate and process these emotions, rather than suppressing them.
Consent
- “Just give Grandma a hug.”
- “You need to share.”
- “Always listen to adults.”
- “It’s rude not to play with them.”
- “We only tease those we care about.”
Teaching kids about boundaries and consent is essential. They should have autonomy over their bodies and learn to express their comfort levels. This enables them to advocate for themselves in tricky situations. Kids should never feel obligated to please others at the expense of their comfort.
Body Image
- “Finish everything on your plate.”
- “You’re looking a bit chubby; maybe exercise more.”
- “I can’t eat that; I’m on a diet.”
The societal pressures surrounding body image can be harmful. Instead of focusing on weight or appearance, we should encourage kids to see food as nourishment and movement as a means of enjoyment rather than just weight control. It’s vital to model a healthy relationship with food and body image.
Confidence
- “You can be anything you want.”
- “You’re so smart!”
- “Just try harder.”
- “You’re perfect as you are.”
- “Practice makes perfect.”
While encouragement is important, overstating a child’s abilities can create unrealistic expectations. Failure is a part of growth, and it’s essential to praise effort and creativity rather than just results. Aiming for perfection can lead to disappointment; instead, we should promote personal growth and resilience.
Gendered Expectations
- “Toughen up; crying is for girls.” (When speaking to boys.)
- “Girls can’t do that.” (When speaking to any identity.)
- “Is she your girlfriend?” (When referring to boys and girls.)
- “When you get married…”
- [Insert object] is for [insert gender].
Let’s break away from gender stereotypes. Activities, interests, and emotions should not be confined by gender norms. Children should be free to explore their identities and passions without the pressure of societal expectations.
In conclusion, there are countless phrases we should reconsider when talking to our children. Even when we make mistakes, we can always revisit those conversations, showing our kids that it’s okay to learn and grow.
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