When my first child, Alex, was born, my life revolved entirely around him. My daily routine was meticulously planned around his nap times, feeding schedule, and ever-changing moods. While I occasionally deviated from this structure, as a stay-at-home mom with one child, I found it easy to prioritize his needs. I genuinely believed that a well-rested and well-fed child created a happy parent. I might have been a bit obsessive, but isn’t that typical for new parents?
Fast forward to the arrival of my second child, Jamie. By the time he was just a few weeks old, I found myself bundling him up and hurriedly strapping him into his car seat every morning to drop off his older brother at school. Is it just me, or do newborns universally despise car rides? Jamie’s life quickly revolved around Alex’s schedule, and my focus was split, leaving me feeling overwhelmed. It became clear that I needed to ease up on my parenting ideals or risk losing my sanity.
All my earlier notions of perfectionism were tossed aside. Flexibility became essential for survival. Now that Jamie is three, I find myself doing things with him that I would have never allowed with Alex. Some of these changes stem from necessity, while others arise from sheer exhaustion and a sprinkle of desperation.
Here are six parenting rules that I’ve broken since having my second child:
- Bribery with treats. As a new mom, I looked down on parents who used sweets as bargaining chips for potty training or tantrum control. I thought there were much better strategies for those challenging moments—none involving sugar. Yet, with Jamie, I’ve resorted to “healthy” lollipops (crafted with organic sugar and vegetable-based coloring) to encourage him to wear pants when it’s time to pick Alex up from school. In reality, I’m just bribing him to comply.
- Incomplete baby books. With Alex, we documented every milestone in detail—the first coo, bath, laugh, and even the first time he spit up. By the time Jamie came along, our record-keeping had dwindled. We noted his first word and perhaps his first step, but honestly? I can’t even recall where I stored the baby book.
- Screen time policies relaxed. I remember the joy on Alex’s face the first time he saw a TV show based on his favorite book series, Max & Ruby. We waited until he was two to introduce him to screens. Jamie, on the other hand, had his first screen time the moment he swiped the iPad from his brother while I was busy preparing dinner and praying the house remained intact.
- Junk food introduced earlier. Alex once believed that granola bars were a dessert and didn’t taste ice cream until he turned two. Jamie, however, crawled into the kitchen at six months and discovered his brother’s Halloween stash, happily devouring Hershey’s Kisses. Once that door was opened, there was no going back.
- Health appointments become sporadic. For Alex, doctor visits felt like small victories, confirming I was doing a good job as a mom. I scheduled those appointments promptly. For Jamie, however, I’m lucky if I remember to brush his teeth. Sure, I ensure he gets his essential checkups, but they’re often delayed—like the reminder I just got about scheduling his three-year checkup, which is now three months overdue.
- Playdates become impromptu. Alex’s social calendar was packed with weekly playdates and toddler classes. In contrast, Jamie tends to tag along on his brother’s adventures, often befriending kids much older than him. His first friends were actually five years older and he enjoys chasing after second-graders in the afternoons.
Allowing myself to relax on these fronts has taught me an important lesson: children are more resilient than I initially thought. A little extra candy or screen time won’t ruin them, and indulging in Pirate Booty for breakfast isn’t a crime. While I still cling to my role as the bedtime enforcer, I’ve learned that skipping a nap or staying up late occasionally won’t harm my kids. (Although, I might not fare so well after a late night!)
In the end, this rule-breaking has made me a better mom. The pursuit of perfection is not only unrealistic, but it also adds unnecessary stress. My kids respond far better when I prioritize laughter over strictness and choose cuddles over a spotless home. I maintain standards for my family, but I’ve come to understand that there are many paths to achieving a wholesome and fulfilling life.
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Summary:
Parenting norms shift dramatically between the first and second child, with flexibility taking precedence over perfection. From relaxed rules on screen time and junk food to more spontaneous playdates, the journey of parenting evolves, revealing the resilience of children. Embracing imperfection has fostered a more enjoyable and less stressful parenting experience.