In 2015, “Parks and Recreation” bid farewell to its beloved intern-turned-deputy-director, April Ludgate (played by Aubrey Plaza). We witnessed April evolve from a disinterested, chaotic teenager into a driven, caring, yet still delightfully chaotic adult. Under Leslie Knope’s (played by Amy Poehler) mentorship, April formed meaningful friendships and found love with Andy Dwyer (portrayed by Chris Pratt), all while maintaining her signature humor.
From her teenage angst to her relatable struggles with adulthood, April has given us a treasure trove of quirky wisdom—much like what a people-hating, animal-loving witch would say. If you find yourself oscillating between disdain for humanity and affection for your partner, or if you threaten to harm others while being too kind to act, check out these hilarious gems from April.
- “At least I didn’t forge any new friendships.”
- “What? I adore trash.”
- “Leslie said it was a ‘come as you were in the 90s’ party. I thought it was the 1690s.”
- “I can easily convince children that I’m a witch.”
- “I despise conversing with people about stuff.”
- “I’m fond of games that pit people against one another.”
- “I guess I sort of loathe most things, but you don’t seem to be one of them.”
- “Cheers to you, alcohol.”
- (While being embraced) “Ow! You’re hurting me!”
- “My first instinct is to be rude to you.”
- “She’s the most dreadful person I’ve ever met. I want to explore the world with her.”
- “I maturely left anonymous comments about her online.”
- “I want to boss people around and then send them far away from me.”
- “It’s because I’m part wolf.”
- “We can all agree, wine is wine. If you spend more than $5 on it, you’re foolish.”
- April: “Someone will die.” Andy: “Of fun.”
- “Being a responsible adult is the worst.”
- “I proclaim that everything you’re saying is ridiculous.”
- “I wanted to mock foolish people while intoxicated. Those are my two true loves.”
- “Meet my boyfriend, Derek. And this is Derek’s boyfriend, Ben.”
- “Don’t try to connect with me.”
- “I wasn’t paying attention, but I strongly disagree.”
- “So, you’ve lost your mind! That sounds fun.”
- “Being nice made me feel awful.”
- Jerry: “You look wonderful.” April: “I’ll murder you a thousand times.”
- “I don’t care about that award, but I’ll win just to ruin his happiness.”
- “Alcohol is enjoyable and delightful.”
- “I’ll be offering my legendary $100 lap dances.”
- “Is this going to be one of those wild bachelorette parties where we lose control and end up murdering someone?”
- “I really only listen to German death reggae, Halloween sound effects from the 50s, and of course, Bette Midler.”
- “Stay back, you hussy.”
- High schooler: “Where did you get that dress?” April: “I was buried in it.”
- “Ann’s leaving town, and saying painful goodbyes. Best day ever!”
- “Time equals money, money equals power, power equals pizza, and pizza equals knowledge.”
- “She’s the cold, distant mother I never had… I love her.”
- “That’s disgusting. I love it.”
- “I’ll have a glass of your most expensive red wine mixed with your cheapest white served in a dog bowl. Silly straws for everyone, please.”
- “Broaden your horizons is silly. Don’t do it.”
- “The air is so fresh. It’s disgusting.”
- “We have a few house rules: no using the front door, climb in through the back window, no personal phone calls, and if you speak to me in Spanish, use ‘usted.’ Also, no electricity after 6:00 PM.”
- “I’m going to live under a bridge and ask people riddles before they cross.”
- “Ben asked you to finish that website, and if you don’t, I swear I’ll murder you in your sleep. I know where you live—14th street, right? (Gets quieter) I’ll use a melon baller to scoop out your eyes and eat them, and your Congressman uncle will have to buy you a dog to pull your eyeless face around. Got it? (Kisses him on the nose, then slaps him.) Do it.”
- “Beauty pageants are ridiculous. But the Miss Pawnee winner gets $600. I can be ridiculous for $600.”
- “Hi, I’m April Ludgate. I’m 20. I like people… places… and things.”
- “No, I didn’t win. But at least I didn’t make any new friendships.”
- “The air is too fresh. It’s disgusting. I can’t breathe. There’s a brook that won’t stop babbling. Shut up!”
- “I’ll just forge it. I forge government documents all the time.”
- Leslie: (reading a speech) “What do you think?” April: “You should lose the first and last line, and all the lines in between, then just walk up to the mic and meow for eight minutes.”
- “I found a dead rabbit on the road and cut off its feet to make a lucky charm.”
- “Because I truly don’t care what happens to them.”
- “I’ll let you in on a secret about everyone else’s job: no one knows what they’re doing. Deep down, everyone is just faking it. You will too, because you’re amazing and everyone else is awful.”
- “I guess I kind of hate most things, but I never really seem to hate you, so I want to spend my life with you, is that cool?”
- “I wanted to mock stupid people while intoxicated. Those are my two true loves.”
- “That’s disgusting. I love it.”
- “The only things I enjoy are dogs, sleeping in, and peculiar birthmarks. You can’t create museums about those.”
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In summary, April Ludgate’s quotes capture the essence of a quirky, lovable character who embodies the struggles of adulthood while providing humor and wisdom. Whether you relate to her disdain for social interactions or her affection for animals, there’s a little bit of April in all of us.