It’s been five long years since we bid farewell to our favorite Parks Department and its charming characters. Although Parks and Recreation concluded in 2015, the humor and wit from its beloved cast remain timeless. From Leslie’s (Amy Poehler) exaggerated praises to Ron’s (Nick Offerman) amusingly contradictory views on government, the series gifted us countless laughs. Among them, Andy Dwyer’s (played by Chris Pratt) lovable goofiness stands out. To celebrate this iconic character, we’ve put together a selection of his funniest quotes. Dive into the delightful world of Andy, the frontman of Mouse Rat and the legendary Burt Macklin, FBI.
- “Windows are the eyes of the house.”
- “Leslie, I entered your symptoms into this thing here, and it says you might have network connectivity issues.”
- Andy: “I can’t believe we’re at Hogwarts!” Ben: “No, that’s Buckingham Palace.”
- “I attempted to make ramen in the coffee maker, and I broke everything.”
- “I take off my shirt because bad feelings make me feel sweaty.”
- “Burt Macklin, FBI. The best agent they had until I was wrongfully accused of a crime I didn’t commit: stealing the president’s rubies.”
- “I’ve always dreamed of having a doorman named Ernie. Or Kip. I’m open to either.”
- “When they say 2% milk, I wonder what the other 98% is.”
- “You’re the best wife ever. I wish I could marry you again.” (Gasps) “Let’s get divorced!”
- “I have no clue what I’m doing, but I know I do it really, really well.”
- “I just created a new song. It’s called ‘Sex Hair.’”
- “I swear I won’t spit in anyone’s food unless they specifically ask me to.”
- “If you rearrange the letters in Peru, you could spell Europe.”
- Andy: “Aw, babe… you liked me? That’s embarrassing.” April: “We’re married.” Andy: “Still!”
- “Butter is my favorite food.”
- “I got stung once; I’m immune. Go on, sting me, bees! It does nothing!”
- “I once forgot to brush my teeth for five weeks.”
- “The show must go wrong!”
- “I’m not crying; I’m just allergic to jerks!”
- “Sometimes when I wipe, I’ll wipe and wipe and wipe, and I still see poop. It’s like I’m wiping a marker!”
- Andy: “I want Ann back, but she says she needs a guy with lots of money.” Leslie: “That doesn’t sound like Ann.” Andy: “Well, I can’t really do her voice.”
- “To think like one of these guys, you have to think like them.”
- “This song is called ‘5,000 Candles in the Wind.’”
- “The words they say sound passive but feel aggressive. There should be a term for that—like nice-y mean-y?”
- “Remember, every time you look at the moon, I’ll be looking at it too. Not the same moon, obviously, that’s impossible.”
- Andy: “I’m going to win you a million teddy bears.” April: “I want a billion teddy bears.” Andy: “That’s a bit unrealistic.”
- “By day, Andy Dwyer: shoe-shinist. At a different time, Andy Radical: possum-tackler. And by night… I do whatever I want. No job.”
- “I don’t know who Al Gore is, and at this point, I’m too afraid to ask.”
- “Looks like this Siberian Husky is going to be Russian… off to jail.”
- “From the bottom of my heart, let me just say, my bad.”
- “Anything can be a toy if you play with it.”
- “That is the coolest sentence I’ve ever heard anyone say.”
- “I know what things are.”
- “For the last time, Ron, it’s Princess Rainbow Sparkle.”
- “Is that a goose flying by the window? Oh, it’s a plastic bag.”
- “Everything hurts. Running is impossible.”
- “I know what things are.”
- “For the last time, Ron, it’s Princess Rainbow Sparkle.”
- “Is that a goose flying by the window? Oh, it’s a plastic bag.”
- “Everything hurts. Running is impossible.”
- “I once ate a Twix bar with the wrapper still on.”
- “Do I have to tuck in my shirt? Honestly, that’s kind of a deal breaker.”
- “Did you know that the food you eat turns into energy? Boom! That’s spaghetti. Nachos. That’s a cookie.”
- “Chris gave me this great job as a weekend security guard at City Hall. But here’s the catch: it’s a terrible job. I did everything right, walked around the building four times, and only 20 minutes have passed. I thought maybe 10 minutes had gone by since I started talking, but it’s only been 15 seconds.”
- “5,000 Candles In The Wind” by Andy Dwyer
[Verse 1] “Up in horsey heaven, here’s the thing You trade your legs for angels wings And once we’ve all said good-bye You take a running leap and you learn to fly
[Chorus] Bye bye Li’l Sebastian Miss you in the saddest fashion Bye bye Li’l Sebastian You’re 5,000 candles in the wind
[Verse 2] And though we all miss you every day We know you’re up there eating heaven’s hay And here’s the part that hurts the most Humans cannot ride a ghost
[Chorus] Bye bye Li’l Sebastian Miss you in the saddest fashion Bye bye Li’l Sebastian You’re 5,000 candles in the wind Everybody sing it now!” - “I feel right at home shining shoes. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I do it really, really well.”
- Andy: (Laughing) “Babe, you had a bad crush on me? That’s embarrassing.” April: “We’re married.” Andy: “Still.”
- “I’m Mother Nature’s brother, Brother Nature. But you can call me Andy. Or Brother Nature. Your choice.”
- “I’m allergic to sushi. Every time I have more than 80 pieces, I throw up.”
- “I’d have been hanging out with a baby.”
- “Hey everyone, remember how I said there would be a surprise later? Well, the surprise is you’re not at a dinner party. You’re at our wedding.”
- “April, you’re the most incredible person I’ve ever known. I vow to protect you from any danger. I don’t care if I have to fight an ultimate fighter or a bear, or even your mom—I’d take them down.”
- “I want to spend the rest of my life with you, every minute. I’m the luckiest man in the galaxy.”
- “I know nothing about taking care of infants.”
- “The bad things make me feel sweaty.”
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In summary, Andy Dwyer’s quotes capture the essence of his goofy yet endearing character. His whimsical phrases and innocent insights remind us that humor can be found in the most unexpected places, making him one of the most memorable characters from Parks and Recreation.