We all have that one household chore we dread. Some cringe at vacuuming, while others despise scrubbing the toilet. But I think many of you can relate when I say laundry is the absolute worst. I loathe it with the intensity of a thousand irate toddlers.
The problem with laundry is that it’s never truly done. Unless you and your family have decided to start a nudist community, as soon as you finish washing the basket, the clothes you’re wearing immediately need a wash, along with everything else everyone else in the house has worn.
Laundry is not a straightforward task, either. Unlike doing dishes, where you wash one dish and you’re finished, laundry has countless steps. You must gather it all, sort it, wash it, dry it, fold it, and finally, put it all away. So many stages for a chore that feels never-ending.
To illustrate just how deep my disdain for laundry runs, I’ve put together a list of 50 activities I would choose over laundry any day:
- Fly to Mars with 17 toddlers.
- Undergo open-heart surgery performed by a comedian.
- Relive my middle school years.
- Give up chocolate for life.
- Abstain from alcohol indefinitely.
- Attend a political rally I disagree with.
- Take a bath in hot sauce.
- Grow up resembling a character from a beloved animated film.
- Let my child give me a haircut.
- Experience childbirth… of a whale.
- Allow my kids to play with confetti.
- Wear a bridesmaid dress daily for an entire year.
- Get a paper cut on my eyelid.
- Have a constant sunburn.
- Walk barefoot in snow on a steep hill both ways.
- Host Thanksgiving for a famous family.
- Live next to an overly cheerful neighbor.
- Have my home perpetually under renovation with loud tools.
- Survive in a world devoid of cleaning wipes.
- Give up my beloved stretchy pants.
- Be a guest on a controversial talk show.
- Be unable to groom my chin hairs, resembling a rock band member.
- Develop a sudden intolerance to dairy.
- Watch a marathon of a children’s show.
- Embrace an Amish lifestyle.
- Trim my toenails with a large knife.
- Have a quirky actor as my partner.
- Hire a perpetually messy character as a housekeeper.
- Listen to my child’s endless knock-knock jokes.
- Adopt a pet snake.
- Vacation with a very large family.
- Read the comment section of a divisive news site.
- Sit next to a tuna eater on a plane.
- Eat kale for every meal.
- Receive cooking critiques from a famous chef.
- Go to a restaurant only to find out they’ve changed their menu.
- Kiss a sea creature.
- Attend the premiere of a long-running movie franchise.
- Walk barefoot in a theme park after a storm.
- Indulge in fast food and then search for a restroom.
- Ask my partner to reverse a medical procedure.
- Rely on an online source for medical advice.
- Wear a bright leotard to a formal event.
- Become a cat enthusiast.
- Have my worst dreams come to fruition.
- Be the target of an archery team.
- Explain a complex movie series to a newbie.
- Live permanently on a popular theme park ride.
- Experience discomfort whenever I need privacy.
- Watch as my children discover and devour my hidden snacks.
I could keep going, but I must stop for now; the dryer just chimed. Time to fold some clothes and feel a little piece of my soul vanish with every pair of pants I tackle.
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Summary
Laundry is a universally disliked chore, filled with steps that seem endless. In a humorous take, the author shares 50 things they would rather do than tackle laundry, ranging from absurd to ridiculous. This lighthearted list highlights the common struggle with household tasks.