Insert eye roll here
It doesn’t matter how trendy or relatable you think you are; your teen will always find something to cringe about.
By Emma Johnson
I like to think of myself as a pretty hip mom. I stay current with slang and fashion trends, and I’m all about open conversations with my teens regarding everything from relationships to health issues. Just the other day, I tried to impress my daughter by describing someone at the store as “acting sus.” Not only did she not appreciate my attempt, but she also told me to stop talking. This is just one of the countless ways I’ve managed to embarrass my kids simply by existing. Based on my vast experience, here’s how you can do the same.
1. Yawning or Sneezing
My son recently gave me a lecture about my yawning and sneezing. He exclaimed, “Mom, can you please try not to yawn? Your yawns are so loud, it’s cringeworthy, and let’s not even discuss your sneezing!” Apparently, making any noise that signifies you’re alive is a no-go. My daughter won’t even sit next to me at dinner because she can’t handle the sounds of my breathing and chewing while I eat.
2. Showing Affection
While it’s essential for your kids to know you love them, showing that affection in public is strictly off-limits. No hugs, no hand-holding, not even a gentle touch on the arm. Texting is acceptable, but if you express any affection during a phone call, be prepared for them to hang up on you.
3. Walking Close By
Never, under any circumstances, walk next to your teens. They might fear that others will figure out you’re related. This applies to any situation: school, shopping malls, restaurants, or concerts where you’ve shelled out a fortune. I remember taking my kids back-to-school shopping when my oldest declared, “Mom, just let me shop alone. I’ll hand you the clothes afterward. Don’t try to influence my choices.” To be fair, they darted away from me like I was a walking embarrassment, and I was forbidden from making eye contact.
4. Inquiring About Their Lives
My kids often text me to share they’re no longer talking to their crushes, but it always comes with a caveat: “Don’t ask me any questions about this, ever.” They want to share, but only on their terms. If you express concern or let them know you’re there for them, be ready for the dreaded hand signal that says they’re about to exit the conversation.
5. Asking for Tech Help
This is a surefire way to send them into a tailspin. I’m not the most tech-savvy person, and my youngest bluntly asked me, “How can you be so unsmart?” Apparently, not knowing how to open a zip file is a crime. They’re also quick to remind you about the strict social media rules: you can’t tag them or post flattering pictures of them, while they can post whatever they like, even if it’s just a blurry selfie.
So, here’s the reality check: you will embarrass your teens, no matter how cool you think you are. It’s unavoidable. My advice? Live your life anyway, because even your breathing is a source of embarrassment for them.
On a positive note, things might change. My oldest is turning 19 soon and is surprisingly okay with going out in public with me now—especially if I’m footing the bill. My daughter, who will be 17, has calmed down a bit about my “annoying” breathing habits. There’s hope!
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Summary:
Teens are experts at finding ways to be embarrassed by their parents, no matter how trendy or understanding you may think you are. From breathing too loudly to showing affection, here are five foolproof methods to embarrass your teens simply by being you. However, take heart; this phase doesn’t last forever, and soon enough, they might even enjoy spending time with you again.