From a young age, I have faced the challenges of anxiety. It manifested through persistent worries about school, friendships, and even the fear of making mistakes. As a teenager, I developed specific phobias, including a fear of flying and crowded places, compounded by the traumatic events I witnessed on 9/11 in New York City, which brought on PTSD symptoms. Thankfully, I eventually found a supportive therapist who equipped me with practical tools to manage my panic attacks.
Despite engaging in various strategies like cognitive-behavioral therapy, meditation, and exercise, my anxiety remains a constant presence, sometimes threatening to overwhelm me. However, as I’ve matured, I’ve learned to embrace my anxiety and recognize that it is intertwined with my identity, a trait that runs in my family. Most importantly, I’ve come to see how my anxiety contributes to several exceptional aspects of who I am.
1. Imagination is my Superpower
My imagination, while sometimes leading me to irrational fears—like believing the bus I’m on could explode—also fuels my creativity as a writer and poet. It allows me to transform mundane leftovers into gourmet meals and turn a simple shopping trip with my kids into a thrilling jungle expedition. This imaginative spark is something I truly treasure.
2. A Relentless Drive for Excellence
I tend to be a perfectionist, which often triggers anxiety when things don’t unfold as planned. However, this trait ensures that I approach every task with unwavering dedication. I am known for my reliability and determination, and while my attention to detail may annoy some, I take pride in delivering quality results.
3. Deep Emotional Awareness
As a child, I related deeply to the story of “The Princess and the Pea,” as I too feel emotions intensely. My empathy extends beyond my own feelings; I can sense the emotions of those around me. While this sensitivity can be overwhelming at times, it also makes me compassionate and in tune with my feelings, allowing me to express them freely.
4. Concern for Others and the World
My empathy doesn’t stop with familiar faces; I often ponder the struggles of strangers I encounter and care passionately about social issues. Though it can lead to sleepless nights worrying about societal injustices, it also drives me to contribute positively to the world and advocate for change.
5. Every Day Requires Courage
Some days, anxiety floods my system to the point where stepping outside feels monumental. Yet, I still care for my children, work, and engage with the world, even amidst inner turmoil. I’ve learned to recognize the bravery in simply showing up and doing what needs to be done despite my challenges.
I would never wish anxiety upon anyone. During moments of panic, I desperately want relief, and the cycle can feel never-ending. Yet, I often wonder what would happen if my anxiety vanished—would I lose the gifts it brings? Ultimately, I think I would choose to keep my anxiety if it helps shape my unique identity.
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Summary
In this article, I reflect on how my lifelong struggle with anxiety has shaped my identity, revealing both challenges and strengths that come with it. From a vibrant imagination to an unwavering drive for success, anxiety intertwines with my personality, prompting deep emotional awareness and a commitment to care for others. Despite the struggles, I’ve learned to embrace my anxiety as part of what makes me unique.