As I was running errands the other day, I tuned into a classic rock station, only to nearly drop my groceries when I heard Eddie Vedder from Pearl Jam singing “Even Flow.” It hit me—when did the grunge music of the ‘90s graduate to classic rock? I mean, I used to rock my flannel shirts and Doc Martens, but now I’m left pondering my own age as I approach 39. If Pearl Jam is now considered classic, I guess that makes me a classic too! It’s amusing—despite the passage of time, I still don’t feel much older, unless I overindulge in wine, which now requires a recovery period that my younger self would have shaken off in no time.
With my 40th birthday approaching, I reflect on my tumultuous 30th, which began with me sobbing on a barstool in New Orleans after a breakup. I’m certain my upcoming milestone will be a breeze in comparison. While I may not feel older, I do feel considerably wiser. I’ve gathered five important lessons from my 20s that I carry with me as I prepare for the next chapter of my life:
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You Don’t Have All the Answers
In my late teens and early twenties, I was under the impression that I had life all figured out—relationships, careers, and everything in between. I often judged myself and others hastily. If only someone had told me that no amount of education could equip me with all the knowledge I needed. As I pursue my PhD, I’ve come to appreciate that informal education often holds more weight than formal schooling. -
It’s Okay Not to Have Everything Planned
Society places immense pressure on young adults to carve out their futures. Good grades, steady jobs, and traditional life paths are the expectations. However, I learned that it’s perfectly acceptable to change direction. Throughout my career explorations, I discovered that remaining adaptable and open to new opportunities is more important than sticking rigidly to a plan. -
Embrace Your Body
Throughout my life, I’ve battled with body image issues, particularly in my early 20s. Influences from family and media led to unrealistic standards. If only someone had encouraged me to appreciate my body rather than push me toward fad diets or gym memberships! Eventually, I adopted a practice of standing in front of the mirror and identifying three things I love about myself, whether it’s the color of my eyes or the shape of my legs. -
Frugality is Key
I learned the value of money early on, working as a nursing aide to fund my fondness for designer clothes. When I finally earned a decent paycheck, I mistakenly believed it meant I could buy more. By 25, I was left with little to show for my earnings other than a closet filled with clothes and shoes. It wasn’t until I became a mother that I truly understood the distinction between needs and wants. -
Know the Line Between Risk and Recklessness
The saying goes, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” However, I’ve learned that some risks, like wandering alone in unfamiliar cities or driving after a few drinks, are just plain foolish. While I emerged from my twenties relatively unscathed, I recognize that many others weren’t as fortunate. Maturity has taught me that real risk involves embracing new experiences and meeting new people without compromising my safety.
Despite spending years working with young adults, I know that sometimes, these lessons must be learned the hard way. As I prepare for my daughter’s future, I can’t help but feel a mix of dread and anticipation for her journey through her 20s. For now, I take comfort in the wisdom I’ve gained along the way.
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Summary
As I reflect on my 20s while approaching 40, I realize I’ve gained invaluable wisdom that I carry with me. From recognizing that I don’t have all the answers to embracing my body and learning the importance of frugality, these lessons have shaped who I am. Understanding the distinction between healthy risks and foolish decisions has also been crucial. Ultimately, wisdom gained through life experiences is a true gift.