There’s a complex mix of emotions tied to being an unemployed mom. It’s certainly not a walk in the park, but it’s not pure despair either. Some days feel heavier than others, and often my mood hinges on my outlook (rose-colored glasses are definitely the ideal). Yet, an encounter with the wrong person can quickly shift my day for the worse, especially if they start saying things that hit a nerve. To save you from being that person, here are five comments an unemployed mom, like myself, would prefer you avoid.
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“What do you do all day?”
I get the curiosity, but please, refrain from asking this. Being unemployed doesn’t equate to lounging around. What do I do all day? I’m actively seeking employment! My daily routine involves searching for job opportunities, applying, prepping for interviews, and networking. It may seem simple if you haven’t experienced it recently, but believe me, it’s a full-time endeavor.
I’m glued to my computer, responding to emails, sifting through job listings, and tailoring my resume. And yes, I’m still a mom—I handle laundry, clean the house, and manage school drop-offs and pick-ups. The reality is, I often question my life choices while trying to maintain a semblance of cleanliness in my home. So, when you see me, please don’t ask what I do all day; I’m usually deep in thought about my next steps in life. -
“Have you thought about (insert suggestion here)?”
I appreciate your willingness to help, but chances are, I’ve already explored that option. I’m just as eager to find a job as you are to assist me. I want the perfect position as much as you want to suggest it. Instead of tossing out ideas, just ask how it’s going and if there’s a way you can genuinely help. If I haven’t tried something, it only adds to my feelings of inadequacy. So, it’s best to keep the suggestions to yourself for now. -
“So, are you a stay-at-home mom now?”
No, I’m not. I still consider myself an unemployed professional seeking her next opportunity, not someone who has fully transitioned to staying at home. I’m confident that my kids are thriving partly because they get to learn and grow outside of a home environment. I’ve enjoyed being a working mom, and while I could adapt to being a stay-at-home mom, it would require me to let go of a lot of my identity. The job of raising kids is monumental, and to do it well, I need the right support, which for me, includes childcare. -
“Why don’t you just keep the kids home instead of at daycare while you’re looking for work?”
The thought process behind this question is baffling. Keeping my children at home during my job search would likely hinder my efforts to find employment. Most people who ask this lack an understanding of what it takes to care for very young children. They don’t grasp the sleepless nights and the chaos that comes with toddlers. If you think that’s easy, feel free to babysit while I search for jobs—oh, what’s that? You don’t want to? I didn’t think so. -
“I don’t understand why you don’t just (insert lofty goal here).”
Suggestions like “write that book” or “start an event-planning business” sound wonderful, but they also overlook the reality of my situation. These ideas require time, resources, and experience—things I don’t currently have in abundance. I appreciate your confidence in me, but I’m focused on securing a job that can help fund those ideas later on. I’m navigating enough rejection already, so let’s take it one step at a time.
In conclusion, while being an unemployed mom comes with its challenges, it’s essential to approach the situation with empathy and understanding. If you want to support someone in this position, consider asking how you can genuinely help rather than throwing out unsolicited advice.
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