Even as a dad of three, each pregnancy has been a unique journey filled with unexpected lessons. Having been the youngest in my family, my wife was the first woman I lived with who was expecting. Despite the fact that pregnancy is a time-honored aspect of human existence, I felt woefully unprepared for it. Here’s a look at some things I never anticipated about pregnancy, hoping it sheds light for those new fathers out there.
1. Expect a Lot of Tears
When my partner, Sarah, was pregnant with our first child, I once asked her to water the holiday tree, which prompted a flood of tears. “Don’t you see how exhausted I am?” she exclaimed, followed by a not-so-pleasant remark about me. I had seen countless movies portraying pregnant women losing their emotional balance, and I thought it was comedic. But when reality hit, it was far from funny.
At just 24, my initial response was to get irritated. First-time dads, take note: in these situations, your best move is to apologize and take care of the task at hand. During that initial pregnancy, Sarah wept over everything—from store closures to my finishing the last cheese stick. It’s a normal part of pregnancy for women to experience heightened emotions. It took me until our second child to grasp that my role was to support her as she navigated these emotional changes. Be understanding, even when it seems irrational. Above all, avoid being rude; just apologize and offer plenty of hugs.
2. The Poop Talk is Real
One of the most unexpected discussions I encountered was about the fear of pooping during childbirth. Many women openly express their worries about this possibility, and I never thought it would be a common topic. When I visualize an eight-pound baby making its way out, it becomes clear that there’s immense pressure involved, which may lead to such accidents.
Though it’s easy to make light of the situation, it’s important to treat it seriously. Acknowledge that it’s a possibility and reassure her that your love remains unchanged. Should it happen, keep it to yourself—don’t share those details with friends later. You don’t want to spoil the moment of holding your newborn by joking about the incident.
3. Transformations You Didn’t Expect
While I anticipated my wife’s belly growing, I was unprepared for her entire body to change. From her neck down to her ankles, everything swelled, and by the end, she bore red marks and stretch marks on her skin. Expect a mother’s body to undergo changes you didn’t foresee.
A key takeaway? Avoid commenting on her appearance. Comparing her ankles to bratwurst or her belly to a house might seem humorous, but it’s far from it. I learned that while my intentions were light-hearted, they were actually hurtful. My focus should have been on making her feel valued and beautiful as she embarked on the journey of motherhood.
4. Navigating Intimacy Takes Creativity
I was blindsided by the changes in our intimate life during pregnancy. While our desire for intimacy didn’t fade, the dynamics shifted with each trimester. We found ourselves discussing comfort levels more than ever, almost resembling two inexperienced teenagers figuring things out.
It became a process requiring patience and ingenuity. Though it was still enjoyable, it demanded more thought and planning than before. Initially, I found this frustrating, feeling like sex had been altered for good. Ultimately, I had to remind myself that this phase was temporary, just like many other changes she was experiencing.
5. The Reality of Childbirth is Intimidating
People often romanticize childbirth as a miraculous event, but for me, it was downright terrifying. Without giving too much away, if you’re squeamish like me, it’s best not to look. Instead, stay close to your partner, hold her hand, and provide the support she needs.
Pregnancy is indeed an eye-opening experience, not just for mothers but for fathers as well. Despite having been married for over a decade and having gone through pregnancy three times, I continuously find new respect for her and all mothers. While I may not fully understand the experience of pregnancy, I’ve come to appreciate its significance.
So, the next time a pregnant woman in your life sends you out for tacos at an odd hour, remember that her journey is both remarkable and challenging. Being there for her in those moments is truly the least you can do.
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Summary:
Navigating pregnancy as a father is filled with surprises, from emotional fluctuations to unexpected changes in intimacy and childbirth fears. Each experience offers profound insights into supporting a partner through this transformative journey. Understanding, patience, and a sense of humor are crucial as you embrace the challenges and joys of impending parenthood.