This morning, I received a call from my daughter’s science teacher. She reached out due to concerns that my daughter was struggling with her science work, a subject she typically excels in and enjoys. The teacher observed that my daughter seemed withdrawn and emotional when challenging concepts were introduced. After our conversation, I was taken aback by what my daughter shared.
She expressed her fear of admitting to her teacher that she didn’t grasp the material. Instead of asking for clarification, she chose to remain silent and tearful. “Mom, I’m just not as strong as you,” she said, “I don’t know how to assert myself like you do.” This moment made me realize that, despite being raised by a confident and outspoken mother, my daughter needed guidance to find her own voice. Speaking up is a skill, and it became clear to me that I had a responsibility to empower her.
As I reflected on the opportunities available to her, I knew it was essential to nurture her strength and confidence, allowing her to follow in the footsteps of the strong women who came before her. Just as I taught her practical skills like riding a bike, I will also guide her in embracing her inner warrior. Here’s how I plan to do it:
1. Encourage Her to Stop Apologizing
While I don’t mean to eliminate genuine apologies, I want my daughter to avoid phrases like “I’m sorry, but…” or “Sorry to bother you…” She needs to understand that her thoughts are valid, and she should never feel the need to minimize her contributions.
2. Empower Her to Challenge Authority
If my daughter feels mistreated, whether on the playground or in the classroom, I want her to express her feelings and advocate for herself, even in front of adults. This practice will help her develop the confidence to assert herself in more significant situations, like negotiating a raise or advocating for a promotion.
3. Teach Her That a Smile is Optional
When my daughter walks down the street, she should know that she isn’t obligated to smile or respond to anyone, including those who might catcall her. I want her to understand that she owns her body and can decide how to react, and that it’s perfectly okay to have tough days without feeling pressured to put on a happy face.
4. Instill the Importance of Speaking Up
I recall a situation when my daughter was approached by a stranger in our neighborhood. She instinctively tried to be polite, despite her discomfort. Since then, we’ve practiced using assertive language and even shouting if she ever feels threatened. This training helps her find her strong voice, ensuring she can protect herself when necessary.
5. Encourage Her to Find Her Community
Recently, at a Harry Potter-themed event, my daughter lit up when she saw others dressed like her. She exclaimed, “These are my people!” I want her to recognize and cherish the supportive people in her life who uplift her. Life is too short for anything less than meaningful connections.
A few weeks after our heart-to-heart about her struggles in class, my daughter rushed into the kitchen with her math test in hand, beaming with pride. She had aced it! As I hugged her, her words warmed my heart: “I’m going to speak up more often, Mom! This feels amazing!”
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In summary, nurturing a daughter who is unafraid to voice her thoughts and feelings is essential for her growth and self-advocacy. By empowering her with skills and support, we can help her navigate the world confidently and assertively.