As a proud adoptive mom to three wonderful children, all of whom joined our family soon after birth, I’ve experienced the unique challenges that come with adoption. As someone who values order and predictability, I initially found the adoption process to be quite overwhelming. The uncertainty and lack of timelines were particularly hard for me. However, with each new addition to our family, I learned to ease up and embrace the journey ahead. If you are preparing to adopt, here are five things you may need to relinquish along the way.
1. Personal Privacy
Undergoing a home study, which is crucial for adoption approval, can feel as invasive as a medical exam. You’ll be required to share intimate details about your finances, criminal record, past relationships, and even your home’s condition. Once you adopt, especially if your child’s background is evident—like when you’re carrying around a toddler of a different ethnic background—be prepared for prying questions such as “How much did the adoption cost?” and “Why was the child placed for adoption?” To brace yourself, consider stocking up on some relaxation essentials.
2. Financial Comfort
Adoption can be quite costly. Between application fees, home study expenses, and travel costs, the initial financial burden is substantial. However, it’s the ongoing costs of raising an adopted child that can truly strain your wallet. Extracurricular activities like dance and sports can add up quickly, sometimes exceeding your monthly mortgage or car payments! And as you factor in additional expenses for baby gear and a minivan, you might find yourself wishing for a financial miracle.
3. Sense of Control
The adoption process is largely out of your hands. You won’t be able to dictate when your child arrives, which child you’ll receive, or the circumstances surrounding their arrival. The unpredictability of adoption can be frustrating. Learning to let go of control can save you from unnecessary stress and impulse purchases. Embracing uncertainty and finding peace in the waiting can make the experience more enjoyable—remember, sometimes a little self-care, like a glass of wine, can go a long way.
4. Ego
Get ready to swallow some humble pie. The emotional rollercoaster of adoption, coupled with the challenges of privacy and finances, means you won’t be living the high life. But this is not the time to hold onto pride. Engage with others who have walked this path, seek out support groups (preferably with a casual atmosphere), and keep an open mind. The essential qualities for successful parenting through adoption are empathy, willingness to learn, and humility.
5. Fixed Expectations
In my experience with adopting three children, every adoption journey came with its own surprises and challenges. From unexpected arrivals to the complexities of open adoptions and paperwork delays, the process is anything but straightforward. Rather than setting rigid expectations, approach the experience with an open heart and mind. This unpredictability can be daunting, but the sooner you accept it, the more joy you’ll find in the journey.
In summary, letting go of these five elements—privacy, financial comfort, control, pride, and rigid expectations—will open up space for the joy and love that comes with welcoming a new child into your family. You can find more resources about the adoption process, including helpful guides, at this excellent link or this insightful article. For those considering alternative paths to parenthood, check out our post on home insemination kits.