When it comes to sex advice, many women’s magazines offer a “Mom” version of articles on how to enhance intimacy. The titles alone can induce a chuckle or a cringe: “How to Keep Your Love Life Thriving!” or “10 Ways to Rekindle Your Romance.” But let’s keep it real—sex after having kids is often far from sizzling. Here’s why you might want to think twice before taking these tips to heart.
1. Remember Foreplay?
Multitasking Mom Response: Seriously? As if I’m not already juggling a million things! Between catching up on my favorite shows, snacking on protein bars, and mentally preparing a grocery list, now I have to squeeze in foreplay? My husband’s version of foreplay is brushing his teeth, which I do appreciate.
2. Setting the Mood with Candles and Lingerie?
Brutal Honesty Response: Are we still doing that? I mean, isn’t that what got us here in the first place? If I can avoid any lingering odors and wear a t-shirt without holes, I’m calling it a win. Dim the lights, flip on the TV for some ambient glow, and let’s get on with it. And as for massages? I’d be thrilled if I didn’t end up with a Dorito crumb stuck to me when my husband tries to help out!
3. Weekly Date Nights?
Reality Check Response: I love this idea in theory, but come on! Who has a free night every week? Between sicknesses, activities, or sheer exhaustion, it’s a miracle if we can find a babysitter. And when we finally do get a night out, the conversation usually revolves around the kids anyway.
4. Planning Around Nap Time?
Realistic and Snarky Response: Because nothing says romance like a ticking clock! The last thing most moms need is the added pressure of timing their lovemaking around nap schedules. It’s like the old advice to “sleep when the baby sleeps”—easier said than done!
5. Morning Sex?
Bitchy Uncensored Response: Who are these so-called experts who think an entire hour is necessary for morning intimacy? I’d rather hit snooze! The only thing I’m committing to in the morning is more sleep, not a morning romp.
So, fellow moms, do yourself a favor—ditch those magazine tips and focus on quality over quantity. After all, a little intimacy is better than none at all, and you definitely don’t want to end up in couples therapy. For more on navigating motherhood, check out this guide on at-home insemination kits. And for a fresh perspective on self-care, visit this shampoo and body wash update. For comprehensive information about pregnancy and home insemination, the CDC provides excellent resources.
In summary, it’s time to recognize that sex after kids often comes with its own set of challenges. Instead of adhering to unrealistic magazine advice, embrace the reality of your life and create your own version of intimacy that works for you.