Back in the early 2000s, the mere thought of stepping away from my career as an independent, ambitious professional to become a stay-at-home mom would have sent me into a rage. After all, that wasn’t the path I’d worked so hard for. Yet, life has a way of steering you in unexpected directions, and I found myself taking two stints as a stay-at-home mom, with varying degrees of success.
My first experience was overseas in Greece with my eldest child. I was teaching full-time until my due date, but a job transfer for my husband forced us to leave the vibrant city for a quiet village. With a newborn in tow and no job prospects, I had to adapt to my new reality. Fortunately, with some inspiration from lifestyle shows and the support of local moms, I managed to navigate that phase and even became a competent Greek-style mother. But once we returned home two years later, I was eager to dive back into the workforce.
The second round of stay-at-home parenting wasn’t a choice; it was more of a deployment. My husband, in his wisdom, suggested I take a brief hiatus to help our toddler through a significant surgery. This brief break quickly morphed into an indefinite stay-at-home situation. As I’ve settled into this role, I’ve realized that being a stay-at-home mom in America is a whole different ballgame, and I’m not quite hitting the mark.
1. My Wardrobe Lacks Athletic Wear.
In Greece, the norm was to stay home since there wasn’t much to do beyond the occasional stroll. When I did venture out, the attire was simple: a scarf and a cozy sweater. Here in the U.S., school drop-off demands a fresh outfit every day, often in matching workout gear. I even overheard one mom talking about her “yoga-dress” last week. What even is that? While these moms look fantastic in their coordinated outfits, I’ve tried and failed to pull off that look. I’ll stick to my jeans, thank you very much.
2. I’m Not a Fan of Playgroups.
Back in Greece, playgroups didn’t exist; the kids played while the parents casually chatted, and that was that. Here, it seems essential to join playgroups to socialize your child or risk them growing up like they’ve had no socialization at all. But these groups often lead to forced friendships and endless planning for the next meet-up, which doesn’t sit well with my social style. I prefer to socialize occasionally and remain a bit anonymous.
3. I Dread Mom Conversations.
In Greece, when women gathered, we gossiped about everything except parenting. Here, it’s all “mom-talk,” and I find myself overwhelmed by conversations centered around motherhood. From the playground to the library, the endless chatter can be exhausting. Sometimes, I even speak to my kids in Greek to avoid the inevitable small talk. I can discuss parenting topics if needed, but I’d much rather engage in conversations about politics or pop culture.
4. Playing Isn’t My Thing.
American moms spend an excessive amount of time engaging in play with their kids. In Greece, that was grandma’s job while mom handled other responsibilities. I appreciate that perspective. Honestly, I don’t have the energy to play with toys or create imaginary worlds every day. If my kids want to play a game, I’ll join in, but only for a limited time.
5. I Miss My Job.
Isolation isn’t my strong suit. Like many, I thrive on adult interactions that don’t revolve around diaper changes or feeding schedules. I enjoy dressing up for work and having meaningful conversations with colleagues. Let’s be real; isn’t venting about work one of the perks of having a job? (I never claimed to be the perfect employee, just that I enjoy the workplace dynamic.)
I never imagined I would find motherhood in my husband’s culture easier than in my own. Despite my struggles, I’m committed to making it through this phase—though I could definitely use more workout clothes.
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Summary:
Navigating American-style stay-at-home parenting can be a challenge, especially for someone who’s more accustomed to the cultural norms of another country. From wardrobe woes to socialization struggles, it’s clear that the expectations and realities of motherhood vary greatly. Despite the difficulties, there’s a determination to adapt and thrive in this new role.