As a Catholic who married in the faith, I was required to attend a pre-marital counseling class typically led by a priest. While he may be married to the church, living with someone can reveal a different set of challenges. Fortunately, our class was run by Deacon Mark, who had a rich experience from over 30 years of marriage. We gathered over coffee, discussing the joys and trials of married life, all while caught in a whirlwind of love. We thought it would always be this simple.
Fast forward nine months after our wedding, and I found myself with a newborn son. Then another, and another, until I had four boys. On a particularly tough day after baby #4, I reflected on how Deacon Mark and his wife made marriage seem effortless. The realization hit me: they never had children. If pre-marital counseling is intended to prepare couples for life’s realities, here are some challenges that should definitely be included. Master these, and you might just be ready for anything.
1. Installing Infant and Toddler Car Seats
Sounds easy, right? Try doing it at a truck stop in the sweltering heat of July in Florida. Then, after cleaning up vomit from a car-sick infant, reinstall the seat without waking them. Add to that a two-year-old who needs potty training, and you’re in for a ride. Godspeed.
2. Caring for Your Pregnant Partner
Men, your wife’s morning sickness will not resemble the fun nights in college. Get ready for the reality of caring for a full-time “vomit machine” for anywhere from one to nine months. You’ll find yourself in the beverage aisle, desperately choosing from 57 types of drinks, only for none to be accepted. And when she’s throwing up in the bathtub while you’re in it, just remember: silence is golden, and cleaning up is your duty.
3. Managing Pregnancy and Nursing
Women, after years of either being pregnant or nursing, maintain some semblance of a sex drive. Amidst the chaos of sleepless nights with a colicky infant, it’s tough not to feel resentment when your husband snores through it all. Try to muster the energy to care about his needs after meeting everyone else’s demands all day. Wine might help.
4. Christmas Eve Toy Assembly
Husbands, imagine staying up all night on Christmas Eve to assemble toys for your little ones. After realizing you forgot the flathead screwdriver and need batteries you didn’t buy, you might find yourself in a panic. Meanwhile, your wife is exhausted from caring for the baby and dealing with a diaper explosion. You had one job, and now you’re left with two hours to figure it all out under pressure.
5. Finding Gratitude Amidst Chaos
Wives, relish the old chicken nugget you just found on the floor for dinner. Your husband might be off at a fancy steakhouse, but embrace your life as a stay-at-home parent. Celebrate the mundane tasks while feeling overlooked, especially when Dad comes home and is instantly the fun one.
6. Surviving the Teenage Years
And then there are teenagers. They can be more challenging than any baby or toddler phase. If you and your spouse can navigate this stage and emerge intact when you drop your child off at college, you’ve conquered one of marriage’s greatest trials.
Never did I think saying “I do” would lead to the intense challenge of raising four boys, but somehow, we’re still in it together.
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Summary
Pre-marital classes should prepare couples for the realities of parenthood, from installing car seats to navigating the challenges of pregnancy and parenting. Couples need to be ready for the emotional and practical demands of family life, especially as they transition into the teenage years. By addressing these real-life scenarios, couples can foster resilience and strengthen their marriage.