5 Lessons I Wish I’d Learned About Solo Parenting Tweens

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This past weekend, while navigating the challenges of solo parenting two tweens, I faced a moment of frustration. My son erupted in anger over my enforcement of a screen time rule: no devices after a certain hour. While he could extend his bedtime if he wasn’t tired, screens were off-limits. He felt everyone else had more freedom, and his fury matched mine. Underneath his anger lay a quest for independence, while mine stemmed from self-doubt and the longing for another adult—someone who understood my son’s needs and shared my values—to offer support.

That night, after we both went to bed upset, I reflected on how unprepared I felt for the challenges of raising tweens. It seemed like just yesterday they were small children. I realized how different the experience of parenting tweens is compared to younger kids, and I wished I had been better equipped. Since I can’t turn back time, I want to share my insights with other solo parents who may soon find themselves in similar situations.

1. Self-Doubt is Normal.

Without another parent to consult on rules and discipline, it’s tough to know if I’m being too strict or too lenient. Friends and family offer their perspectives, but there’s something uniquely comforting about the opinion of someone who loves your child as much as you do. While I can’t silence that nagging doubt, I find solace in knowing I’m not alone—my tweens appreciate my efforts.

2. Guilt is Ubiquitous.

Watching my tweens face social and academic challenges often triggers guilt. A persistent voice tells me that if I had more time, I could better support them, take them to activities, or help them with schoolwork. However, it’s essential to recognize that there will always be things left undone. What really matters is that I’m present and engaged. Prioritizing quality time helps alleviate that guilt, and I find my kids thrive when I focus on simply being with them.

3. Expect New Levels of Burnout.

It’s true—parenting tweens is hard. It’s an emotional, mental, and physical challenge that I didn’t fully grasp when I was a tired mom of toddlers dreaming of peaceful nights. Solo parenting adds another layer of complexity and exhaustion that is hard to describe. Juggling two tweens can feel like a whirlwind, and I often find myself overwhelmed.

4. You’ll Enjoy Unexpected Fun with Your Tweens.

I get to witness their silly side, their laughter, and moments they wouldn’t share with others. As they grow, they’re old enough to appreciate movies that are more mature yet still enjoy late-night viewings with me. Each day, I wish their father could share these moments too, but I feel grateful I can be there to experience them for both of us.

5. Your Bond with Your Tweens is Incredibly Special.

This is perhaps the most vital lesson. I often view our family as a tripod—stable and balanced. Without the option for division of labor that comes with a two-parent home, I’ve become my kids’ safe haven. Our shared experiences of trauma and grief have deepened our connection. We’ve learned to discuss tough topics openly, and I cherish these conversations.

After our intense disagreement, my son called me in that familiar, little-kid voice. He reached for a hug, and despite our earlier conflict, we connected. We didn’t resolve the screen time issue, but we went to bed knowing we loved each other.

Ultimately, what I wish I had known about solo parenting tweens is that it’s chaotic, yet it’s filled with love. For more insights, check out this related post here. For authoritative information on parenting, visit here and for valuable resources, take a look at this.

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In summary, solo parenting tweens can be overwhelming, filled with self-doubt and guilt, but it also offers unique joys and a profound connection that can deepen your relationship with your children.