Since its debut in 2013, the women of Orange Is the New Black have captivated audiences for seven seasons, concluding their journey last year. This series, inspired by Piper Kerman’s memoir, chronicles the experiences of Piper Chapman (played by Taylor Schilling), who finds herself in the tumultuous world of a women’s prison after being convicted for transporting drug money. Inside Litchfield Penitentiary, she reunites with her ex-girlfriend, Alex Vause (Laura Prepon). As Piper adapts to her new reality, viewers are introduced to the diverse backgrounds of the inmates that shape their lives and choices.
The blend of comedy and drama not only reveals poignant backstories but also delivers memorable one-liners that showcase each character’s unique personality, often revealing their dark humor. Below is a curated list of some of the most iconic quotes that reflect the humor and wit of our beloved inmates. Dive in and see if your favorite character made the cut!
- “I’ve been here under two weeks, and I’ve already faced starvation, harassment, stalking, threats, and being mistaken for a pop star.” – Piper
- “No offense, but having men in charge has never worked out for me.” – Tessa
- “I owe my younger self 23 years of wild adventures with multiple partners.” – Rita
- “I’m not insane; I’m just one of a kind.” – Suzy ‘Crazy Eyes’
- “You’re still attractive. You’re a terrible person, but undeniably attractive.” – Captain
- Flaca: “A test? Hell no, I freeze up under pressure. Can’t think at all.”
Blanca: “That’s just a lame excuse for being slow.” - “Go ahead and blame my genuine feelings of sadness on my time of the month.” – Piper
- Pennsatucky: “Are you going to let all the men die off?”
Big Boo: “Absolutely not, we need them as our workforce. You know, bookkeeping and janitorial stuff.” - “My mom always told me silence can be deafening, but she never learned to keep quiet.” – Morello
- “A tunnel, Red? That’s straight out of a cartoon.” – Vee
- “If gratitude paid the bills, we’d all be rich!” – Cindy
- “If you want to take someone out, you need to see them first. That’s like step one.” – Rita
- “This food looks like what a walrus would throw up to nourish its least favorite offspring.” – Alex
- “This year, I’m loving someone who truly deserves it—myself.” – Suzy ‘Crazy Eyes’
- Red: “Poison isn’t for you, Frieda. It’s for bored housewives, not fierce women with tattoos.”
Frieda: “What can I say? I’m getting older.” - “According to this aptitude assessment, I should be an athlete, a park ranger, or a prison warden? Seriously? You just suggested I work in corrections? What is wrong with you?!” – Nicky
- “It’s not the act of dying that’s tough; it’s knowing I have to do it surrounded by you idiots.” – Rosa
- “She’s into girls. They’re having a girl moment.” – Tessa
- Pennsatucky: “What game are you playing?”
Nicky: “A classic.”
Pennsatucky: “Cool. What’s it called?”
Nicky: “Exclusion.” - “What? I’m bored! Can’t we have a race war? It’d be entertaining!” – Cindy
- “Look, I found a rock that resembles a man’s private part with one ball. It’s my Lance Armstrong rock.” – Piper
- “I used to see you as a bright flower, now you look like a withered old weed. But that’s okay; you’re you, and I’m me.” – Suzy ‘Crazy Eyes’
- “Are you envious that I’m kind of cute now and you’re not?” – Tessa
- “Did you ever watch that movie where a cowboy rules the roost, and then an astronaut shows up to challenge him? The cowboy tries to kill him, but then the astronaut gets captured by a villain, and the cowboy has to save him, leading to a strong friendship?” – Morello
- “Call me Jesus from now on because I just worked a miracle.” – Sophia
- “Congrats! You’ve totally ruined a guy’s life.” – Fig
- Nicky: “Look at you, blondie. What’s your story?”
Piper: “Aren’t you supposed to avoid asking that? I read somewhere you should.”
Nicky: “You read that? What, did you study for prison?” - “All issues are dull until they’re your own.” – Red
- “I believe this world is broken, and if you find a hint of joy, hold onto it for dear life.” – Poussey
- “Adding icing to a terrible cake doesn’t make it any better.” – Nicky
- “This is the loneliest I’ve ever felt, and I once lived in a tree for eight months!” – Soso
- “I tossed my pie for you.” – Suzy ‘Crazy Eyes’
- “I’m attracted to hot girls and boys. I like hot people. What can I say? I’m superficial.” – Piper
- Big Boo: “There’s no word like ‘knifes.’”
Lorna: “No? Then what does Tony do to Bernardo in West Side Story? I’ll tell you. He knifes him.” - “If your mind starts slipping, just let me know, and I’ll give you a quick end before you end up in the psych ward.” – Gloria
- “She disrespected me. Now I have to take her out.” – Tessa
- “Is this the bus to the underworld?” – Poussey
- “Did your mom mix whiskey with your baby formula, or did she just blend it with your dog’s food?” – Nicky
- “You can cheat on your spouse with escorts who cater to your fetish and still be a senator from Louisiana, as long as you apologize.” – Judy
- Taystee: “If George R.R. Martin wrote about prisons, I’d be like…the Hand of the Warden.”
Poussey: “But doesn’t the Hand always die in those stories?” - “I’m gangsta. With an ‘A’ at the end.” – Piper
These quotes encapsulate the wit and resilience of the characters, making Orange Is the New Black a memorable show that resonates with viewers. For more engaging content on family building, check out Home Insemination Kit, an insightful post on healthy practices, and for further details on the topic of insemination, visit Intracervical Insemination or this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
The humor and resilience of the characters in Orange Is the New Black shine through in these memorable quotes, showcasing their unique personalities and experiences. The series has left a lasting impact, blending comedy and drama to explore themes of love, friendship, and survival.