Life serves as a formidable educator. Over the span of my 40 years, it has relentlessly tested, challenged, and often contradicted many of my beliefs. With each experience, I have learned valuable lessons that have shaped my perspective and refined my approach to the world. These lessons vary widely, from profound events like coping with the loss of a parent, advocating for the well-being of a surviving one, navigating early menopause at 38, and confronting a midlife crisis shortly thereafter, to lighter observations, such as the social faux pas of consuming prunes in public or the merits of wearing makeup to bed.
Below are 40 of the most impactful truths I’ve gathered throughout my journey:
- You truly learn to curse when you hit menopause.
- Pigs can fly—unless you’ve never boarded a plane!
- Always verify the availability of toilet paper before seating yourself.
- Avoid sleeping with eyeliner on.
- “Cabotage” doesn’t relate to sabotaging with vegetables.
- A girl will always anticipate a birthday fuss, even at 41!
- Don’t torture yourself with negative thoughts.
- Hide your spare change from your partner.
- Ice cream may not rival love, and chocolate doesn’t surpass sex.
- Never inform your best friend that her diet isn’t working.
- Sneezing while munching crackers is ill-advised.
- While few possess a photographic memory, many have smartphones.
- Some things are best left shrouded in mystery.
- Math can “validate your humanity,” especially when logging in.
- Being truthful means you never have to second-guess yourself.
- Some days, you’re the bug; other days, you’re the windshield.
- Spontaneity isn’t always wise.
- Steer clear of prunes.
- Let your experiences guide rather than caution others.
- Some are truly fortunate in the genetic lottery.
- Depression isn’t merely a lack of enthusiasm.
- Always wear underwear beneath white shorts.
- We spend one-seventh of our lives enduring Mondays.
- Only plant pumpkins if you have plenty of friends to share them with.
- “Nudiustertian” doesn’t refer to a Martian nudist.
- If love is blind, marriage is a real eye-opener.
- After the third bottle of wine, your memory may fade.
- Be cautious when handling a gear stick.
- Sometimes the villain is disguised as the princess.
- Thinking about acquiring a treadmill doesn’t equate to actually buying one.
- Sexual drought is a genuine issue.
- A remote control is not an ideal storage spot for dead batteries.
- Brain farts are indeed a real phenomenon.
- Winning a Nobel Prize for silliness may not be a pinnacle achievement.
- Locking yourself out in pajamas at -30 degrees isn’t as amusing as it seems.
- Stop whining about mistakes; learn from them instead!
- The nine most frightening words in English are: “I’m from the government, and I’m here to help.”
- “Tittynope” has nothing to do with breasts.
- Women can also undergo rectal exams.
- There remains much for me to learn!
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Summary:
Throughout my 40 years, I have gathered invaluable life lessons ranging from the profound to the lighthearted. These insights, shaped by personal experiences, offer wisdom that may resonate with many. As life continues to teach, I recognize that there is always more to learn.