Parenting has evolved dramatically since my kids entered the tween stage. One of the most significant shifts has been in how I approach discipline. The days of threatening to take away dessert for misbehavior are over; my kids have mastered the art of sneaking treats when I’m preoccupied. They’ve discovered every hiding spot and can devour cake in a flash. And since they’re not yet driving, grounding them from the car isn’t an option either.
I find myself navigating this middle ground with them. As I adjust my approach to maintain their spirited attitudes, I’ve devised new ways to ensure they truly listen to me. The old “or else” tactic doesn’t carry the weight it used to. My tween has figured out that “or else” often means I’m at a loss for a solid consequence.
For instance, after I mentioned “or else” to my 12-year-old, he shot back with, “Or else what?” I realized that in that moment, “or else” meant he would lose his phone privileges for the day, which certainly motivated him to act quickly. Here are a few more strategies I’ve come up with to make my point:
1. Mirror Their Style
Why do tweens insist on wearing their pants so low? I decided to show my son just how ridiculous it looks by adopting his style myself. One day at the grocery store, I adjusted my pants to sag below my underwear to demonstrate how it feels to have your pants hanging around your knees. The look on his face was priceless, especially when the manager had to remind me about indecent exposure. Lesson learned, right?
2. Use Music to Convey Lessons
Pop music has replaced the once ubiquitous Disney songs in our home, which I consider a win. I like to engage with my kids about the music they love, so I take advantage of our car rides together to discuss the messages in their favorite songs. Rather than lecturing, I weave in my thoughts on themes like partying or the pressure to dress a certain way. If they start tuning me out, I threaten to switch to “oldies” – music from my college days, which they clearly find cringe-worthy. This approach keeps them engaged while allowing me to share my insights.
3. Play Detective on Their Phones
I often feel like a detective trying to extract details from my kids about their days. Gone are the times when they would spill every detail at bedtime. Now, I find it nearly impossible to get them to open up about school or friendships. However, once I start browsing their phones, asking about texts or social media posts, they begin to share more. It’s amazing how a little snooping can facilitate communication!
4. Set Boundaries for Yourself
I no longer need to hide in the bathroom for a moment of peace. It’s now perfectly acceptable to tell my kids to give me some space when they’ve pushed me too far. I simply excuse them to entertain themselves while I indulge in a quiet moment, which often involves a treat of my own. They recognize that when I need a break, it’s a signal for them to find something else to do.
As children grow, our parenting strategies must adapt. We continue to love them unconditionally, just in different ways. Instead of them acting like little nuisances, they now have the potential to be more challenging. As long as we manage their spirited behavior creatively, we can still consider ourselves good parents.
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In summary, parenting tweens requires us to rethink our approach to discipline and communication. By adapting to their changing needs and finding creative ways to connect, we can encourage our children to listen and engage with us more effectively.