As a devoted parent and certified life coach, I firmly believe in guiding children through self-exploration while instilling in them a respect for the diverse world around them. I often express to my partner that one of my primary objectives as a parent is to help my children develop a strong sense of identity, rather than forcing them into a mold that could leave them feeling lost and unsure of their place in the world.
Recently, I encountered several articles that argue against compelling children to use phrases like “please,” “thank you,” or “I’m sorry.” The premise is that children should never be forced to articulate sentiments they don’t genuinely feel, suggesting that we risk training them to comply rather than fostering their comfort in self-expression. While this perspective seeks to honor the child’s individuality, I respectfully disagree. Here are four compelling reasons why instilling manners in our children remains essential:
1. Countering Entitlement
Children who aren’t taught to express gratitude through phrases like “thank you” or to request things politely with “please” may develop a sense of entitlement. By teaching them to acknowledge others’ feelings with courtesy, we encourage them to think beyond their own desires. For instance, when a child asks for a treat, they learn that it’s not theirs to take without permission. This simple act of courtesy can help curb feelings of entitlement. The brief pause and thoughtful reflection that comes with a parent encouraging the use of manners can significantly diminish any budding sense of entitlement. It’s about fostering awareness rather than mere compliance.
2. Cultivating Respect
Respect is not innate; it must be taught. Given our naturally selfish tendencies, if children are not guided to recognize and treat others with dignity, they may grow up prioritizing their own needs over those of others. When I first introduced the concept of saying “thank you” to my son, he began to recognize that everyone who helped him deserved acknowledgment. This lesson in respect was invaluable, and while he may not get it right every time, it lays the foundation for future respect towards others.
3. Fostering Empathy
When one of my children inadvertently hurts another, it’s crucial for them to apologize—not just to show respect but to nurture empathy. Expressing regret, even if they don’t fully feel it at that moment, prompts them to consider the circumstances and their role in the situation. This reflection leads to understanding the feelings of others, which is vital for developing empathy. It’s a trait that can easily be overlooked if not actively encouraged or modeled.
4. Considering the Consequences
I must admit, not enforcing phrases like “please,” “thank you,” or “I’m sorry” would certainly simplify parenting. The fantasy of raising children who are innately gracious and empathetic without these guiding words is seductive. However, what if we are mistaken? What if we inadvertently raise a generation that lacks gratitude and compassion? If the goal of teaching manners shifts from mere obedience to fostering understanding and respect, then the effort is undoubtedly worthwhile.
I recognize that I make mistakes as a parent, but this is one area where I strive to succeed. So far, I’m convinced that the advantages of encouraging polite expressions far outweigh the alternative. For additional insights on parenting and family dynamics, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.
In conclusion, instilling manners in children serves multiple purposes: it counters entitlement, cultivates respect, fosters empathy, and encourages consideration of their actions.