George Carlin once remarked, “It’s bad for ya” — but what’s really bad for you? We like to think he meant going through your week without checking in here for a dose of laughter. Maybe that wasn’t his original intent, but one can dream, right? Although Carlin left us in 2008, his legacy of sharp wit and keen insight continues to resonate. If you’re feeling nostalgic, you can explore our collection of Carlin’s memorable quotes.
Known as “The Dean of Countercultural Comedians,” George Carlin was ranked second (after Richard Pryor) on Rolling Stone’s 2017 list of the 50 greatest stand-up comedians. His famous “seven dirty words” bit played a crucial role in the 1978 Supreme Court case F.C.C. v. Pacifica Foundation, which upheld the government’s ability to restrict indecent content on the airwaves. He was also the host of the very first episode of Saturday Night Live in 1975. Whether you adored him or not, Carlin’s influence remains undeniable. Here’s a selection of his quotes that are bound to make you chuckle and give you a new outlook on life:
30 Best George Carlin Quotes
- “The reason I talk to myself is that I’m the only one whose answers I trust.”
- “The planet is doing just fine. It’s the people who are in trouble.”
- “Men are dumb and women are crazy. And the reason women are crazy? Men are dumb.”
- “Fighting for peace is like trying to get a virgin pregnant.”
- “Ever notice that the slower driver is an idiot, while the speed demon is a maniac?”
- “That’s why it’s called the American Dream — you have to be asleep to believe it.”
- “Some nights, the wolves are quiet, and only the moon howls.”
- “Never underestimate how many stupid people there are in large groups.”
- “Ever thought about those folks who pay two bucks for tiny bottles of Evian water? Try spelling it backward.”
- “If you aim to fail and succeed, what have you really done?”
- “Some people ask ‘Why?’ Some dream of what could be and ask, ‘Why not?’ Some just work and have no time for all of that.”
- “‘Meow’ means ‘woof’ in cat language.”
- “Religion is like shoes: find the pair that fits you but don’t make me wear yours.”
- “I love it when flowers or grass break through concrete. It’s so damn heroic.”
- “Men and women are both from Earth. Let’s deal with it.”
- “Think about how dumb the average person is. Now realize that half of them are even dumber.”
- “May the forces of evil be confused on their way to your house.”
- “I don’t have pet peeves; I have major psychotic hatreds.”
- “I engage in this real moron thing called thinking. Apparently, I’m not a good American because I have my own opinions.”
- “Scratch a cynic, and you’ll find a disappointed idealist.”
- “I walked into a bookstore and asked, ‘Where’s your self-help section?’ The saleswoman said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.”
- “Some see the glass half full, others half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.”
- “How can there be a civil war?”
- “Never argue with an idiot. They’ll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.”
- “Life becomes so simple once you eliminate the nonsense they teach you in school.”
- “I think alcohol warning labels should be more vivid. Like, ‘Alcohol turns you into the same jerk your dad was.’”
- “Isn’t it unsettling that doctors call their work ‘practice’?”
- “Those who view life as anything beyond pure entertainment are missing the point.”
- “Don’t stress over small stuff, and don’t pet the sweaty things.”
- “Laugh often, loudly, and for a long time. Laugh until you can’t breathe.”
- “When you’re born, you get a ticket to the freak show; being born in America gives you a front-row seat.”
- “Just because you’ve shaken off the monkey on your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.”
- “Within every cynical person is a disappointed idealist.”
- “Electricity is just organized lightning.”
- “If you can’t outsmart them, arrange for them to be outsmarted.”
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In summary, George Carlin’s humor and wisdom continue to inspire laughter and provoke thought. His unique perspective on life highlights the absurdities we often overlook, reminding us to embrace both the ridiculous and the profound.