Navigating public restrooms with children can be a daunting task, especially when you have more than one kiddo in tow. Despite being a necessary part of life, visiting the bathroom in public places often feels like an exercise in chaos. No matter where you are—whether it’s a restaurant, store, or theme park—within minutes of arrival, someone will inevitably declare, “I need to go to the bathroom!” Soon after, a chorus of “me too!” follows, even if you just exited the house a mere 15 minutes ago.
And so begins the quest for the nearest restroom, filled with excitement about the various soap dispensers and toilet types. While kids find public restrooms fascinating, parents often groan at the thought of it. It’s interesting to note that in many households, it’s typically the mother’s responsibility to tackle this task, perhaps due to the horror stories surrounding men’s restrooms.
Having mastered the art of managing potty emergencies, here are 30 straightforward steps to guide you through the experience of taking your kids to a public bathroom.
- Remind your kids that this is not a race. “No running in the restaurant!”
- Arrive only to discover all stalls are occupied.
- Wait impatiently for the ‘big’ stall, usually occupied by someone taking their sweet time.
- Calm your kids’ whining with, “I know, sweetie. Just a few more minutes. I’m sure they’re hurrying!”
- Finally, get into the stall and mediate who goes first.
- As you put the seat cover on, urgently say, “Don’t touch anything!”
- Grab your child while the seat cover falls in.
- Instead, cover the seat with toilet paper and lift the first child onto the potty.
- Yell at the other child, “Keep your hands out of there!” What is it about the feminine disposal bucket?
- Wipe or pass toilet paper for child number one.
- Stop child number two from unraveling the entire roll of toilet paper.
- Get child number one dressed and repeat step six for child number two.
- Lift child number two onto the potty.
- Try to remain calm when she declares, “No pee pees! I’ll try later.”
- Through gritted teeth, remind child number one to lock the door and not to open it again.
- Encourage child number two to give it another shot.
- Watch her genuinely try, complete with grunts, but see no results.
- Dress child number two.
- Since you’re there, take a moment to use the restroom yourself.
- Yell at child number one when she swings open the door while you’re trying to pee.
- Get dressed and lead the kids to wash their hands—unless there’s a sink right in your stall.
- Lift them up to reach the soap.
- Wash their hands, then direct them to the paper towels or dryer.
- Clean up the soap puddles on the floor.
- Pick up the paper towels strewn everywhere.
- Marvel as they stand under the dryer for their “crazy hair” moment.
- Clean up any unraveled toilet paper left behind.
- Grab a paper towel to open the door with your now somewhat germ-free hands.
- Start walking back to your previous location, only to hear child number two whine, “I have to go pee pee—this time for real… pweeeease…”
- Turn around and prepare to start the process all over again.
These scenarios are rarely discussed in parenting books, yet they are a significant part of the motherhood experience. While I cherish the baby and toddler years, some days I eagerly await the time when I no longer have to deal with car seats and can finally say goodbye to wiping bottoms!
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Summary:
Taking kids to public restrooms can be a chaotic yet humorous experience. From the inevitable rush to find a stall to dealing with their antics, it’s a journey every parent knows well. While it can be exhausting, these moments are part of the adventure of parenthood.