When the nurse placed my newborn son in my arms, I was enveloped in a morphine-induced daze, overwhelmed by the thought that she must have mistakenly given me this tiny human. As she briskly departed from my recovery room, I gazed down at my son’s face, utterly clueless about what to do next.
Leading up to his birth, I tried to prepare by reading parenting books, but none of them seemed to address my desperate need for a guide titled I Have No Idea What I’m Doing with This Baby. After a challenging C-section recovery and grappling with postpartum depression, those early months of motherhood were a whirlwind of confusion. My body felt foreign, my hormones were unpredictable, and my son seemed to change the rules of the game every single day. Sleepless nights, diaper rashes, and growth spurts made me question my maternal instincts. I often felt like I was in a constant state of learning through trial by fire. And boy, was I exhausted.
Now that my children are teenagers, I often reflect on those early days and realize how differently I would approach many situations. While I’d never want to relive the sore nipples, endless fatigue, and the chaos of nighttime cries, if I could return to that time, here are the things I would tell my postpartum self:
- That baby wipe warmer? Total waste of money. Invest in a quality nursing bra instead.
- Budget diapers work just as well as the expensive ones. Use the savings to treat yourself to a glass of wine.
- Skipping a shower is perfectly fine. If it means savoring a hot cup of coffee or enjoying a meal with both hands, do it. Embrace ponytails and dry shampoo.
- Your first sexual encounter post-C-section may lead to some serious second thoughts about your marriage. Just go for it; it does get better.
- Don’t stress about removing breast milk stains from your clothes. It’s pointless. Treat yourself to some new outfits; you’ve earned it after nourishing a baby.
- Don’t worry if your child is still using a pacifier at four. They won’t be 18 and still relying on it.
- The same goes for potty training—don’t fret. Trust me, they’ll figure it out.
- Take a moment to memorize the scent of your baby’s head. Inhale it deeply; you’ll miss it more than you realize.
- Cherish the quiet moments with your newborn when the house is still. Life will soon become a hectic blur.
- It’s totally fine to tell your toddler that public restrooms don’t exist. Seriously.
- Relish every moment of being Santa, the Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy. One day, the magic will fade, and it will hit hard.
- Your digestive system will bounce back. You might have an audience for a while, but it will happen.
- Feel free to toss out your kids’ artwork without guilt. Keep only the handprints and footprints; they won’t remember the rest.
- While your infant’s cries may test your patience, you’ll eventually yearn for their teenage voice.
- Buy a cake for their first birthday party. No toddler remembers the effort you put into making a perfect cake. Sleep is precious; let someone else handle it.
- Go on as many dates as possible with your partner. You’ll cherish that connection when the kids are grown and the silence is palpable.
- Don’t always be the one taking pictures. Hand the camera to your spouse and get in the frame; your kids will want to remember you.
- It’s okay to think your toddler can be a little difficult. They’re testing boundaries.
- Toddler tantrums are not for the faint of heart. Hang in there; you’ll survive the epic meltdowns.
- You will reconnect with your career. It may feel awkward at first, but you’ll find your rhythm again.
- Be gentle with yourself daily. It’ll help keep your sanity intact during tough times.
- No, you can’t return the baby, even when the crying becomes overwhelming.
- Hiding in the closet for a phone call with your best friend is a valid coping strategy. And any mom who says she’s never done it is not telling the truth.
- Remember, you grew a human. That alone makes you incredible.
- Trust your instincts when something feels off with your child. A mother’s intuition is often spot on.
- The first post-C-section bowel movement will feel monumental. Stock up on stool softeners and witch hazel pads.
- It’s acceptable to tell anyone who suggests “sleep when the baby sleeps” to help out around the house instead. This is especially true on sleepless nights.
- Avoid looking at yourself in the mirror “down there” in the first few months. Your body will heal; curiosity doesn’t always serve you well.
- You will eventually sleep again—maybe not like before, but you’ll adjust to your new normal.
- You will fit into jeans again. They might not be the same size as before, but you will rock them regardless.
There are countless moments I’d redo or approach differently. I’d remind myself to relax—rigid schedules only lead to frustration. I’d emphasize that while days are long, the years are fleeting, and the silence of an empty house when the kids are at school can be overwhelming. I’d encourage myself to prioritize downtime over chores and enjoy a Netflix binge during nap time.
Most importantly, I would pull my new mom self in for a big hug and whisper, “You’re doing just fine.” That’s the reassurance I truly needed back then.
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