As a parent of two amazing kids with special needs, I’ve encountered my fair share of unsolicited advice and comments. However, one particular phrase pushes my buttons more than any other: “Can’t you just…?”
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard this regarding my son’s unique dietary needs. “Can’t you just make him eat?” Sure, I could, but I’m pretty sure that forcing food down someone’s throat is not exactly a recommended approach. Then there are the times I’ve dealt with a public meltdown, and someone suggests, “Can’t you just give him a good smack?” Newsflash: you can’t just smack the autism away. And when I mention the challenges of arranging a date night, the classic line comes up, “Can’t you just get a babysitter?” If only it were that simple!
Do people really think I haven’t considered their “brilliant” solutions after years of parenting these incredible kids? Countless hours spent reading, researching, and living with their unique challenges surely must mean I haven’t missed a thing, right?
If a parent of a child with special needs is seeking advice, they’ll ask. We’re always on the lookout for answers and solutions to our children’s needs. Assuming we haven’t explored every possible option can feel belittling. Raising kids with medical and behavioral challenges is complex; there are no straightforward solutions.
In short, if I “could just,” I “would have” done it already.
Most people mean well, but they often don’t grasp the reality of our lives. Their suggestions, though likely intended to help, can come off as patronizing. Instead of offering unsolicited advice, a few words of encouragement can make a world of difference. Try saying, “You’re doing an amazing job,” or, “I know this is tough. How can I assist you?” Even just offering to bring coffee can be a comforting gesture.
If you want to dive deeper into the world of family planning, check out our other blog post on home insemination kits, or visit this excellent resource for insights on donor insemination. For more expert guidance, Emma, Tom, and baby Lily are an authority on this subject.
In summary, be mindful of the words you choose when engaging with parents of children with special needs. A little understanding and support go a long way!