About two decades ago, my father imparted a crucial piece of advice: “If you want something in life, you must take the initiative to secure it for yourself. Don’t rely on others to provide for you.” This conversation took place as we dried and put away dinner dishes, likely sparked by my teenage yearning for a trendy purse or the latest shoes. Unbeknownst to him, he was sharing my first lesson in feminism: the importance of independence and taking charge of one’s own destiny. Equally vital, he was reinforcing his belief in my capability and value as a person deserving of respect and opportunities.
As parents, we are always teaching our children—through our actions and words—what we value, what we believe is important, and how we perceive ourselves and the world. These lessons can emerge in unexpected ways, so it is crucial for us to stay aligned with our ideals and intentions, ensuring they resonate in our family’s daily life.
Despite our family structure resembling a classic 1950s sitcom (with my partner as the breadwinner and me as the stay-at-home parent), I identify as a feminist because I fundamentally believe in equality. Having two sons, I recognize the necessity for them to understand feminism and how gender equality manifests in the world. Gender inequality affects everyone, not just women, and it’s our responsibility to shield our children from the stereotypes and biases that society perpetuates from a young age. It is imperative that the principles of feminism and equality are woven into the fabric of our family life, spilling over into everyday interactions—whether during playdates, sports, or even while tidying up after dinner.
While many articles address lessons in feminism for daughters, I sought to create a list that directly pertains to the experiences and challenges I expect to encounter as a mother of boys. Thus, I present to you my own curated list of 25 essential lessons for my sons:
- Feminism is about equality, not femininity.
- Being a boy does not preclude you from being a feminist. Enjoying sports or action films doesn’t negate your commitment to equality, just as my love for jewelry or makeup doesn’t diminish my feminist stance.
- It’s perfectly acceptable to show emotion, including crying, but do so with respect and responsibility.
- Cultivate friendships with girls.
- Interests like trucks or superheroes are not exclusive to boys, just as tea parties or princesses are not limited to girls.
- Phrases like “like a man” or “like a girl” have no real significance—disregard them.
- Strength and sensitivity can coexist harmoniously.
- Your anatomy does not grant you special privileges; it merely makes you human, with all the responsibilities and joys that come with it.
- Practice kindness and politeness, such as holding doors open for everyone—not out of outdated traditions, but as a simple act of good manners.
- True beauty is an internal quality, not merely physical appearances.
- If you choose to buy dinner or flowers, do it out of kindness, not expectation of anything in return. And if I had daughters, I would encourage them to do the same.
- Engage in intimate relationships only when both partners are genuinely ready—not because of peer pressure or hormonal urges.
- Understand that “no” unequivocally means no; silence or ambivalence also indicates a lack of consent.
- Surround yourself with individuals who encourage you to be your best self; be cautious of those who seek to change you.
- Equal work deserves equal pay; this principle is fundamental.
- Your identity is not defined by gender, job, or possessions. Kindness, bravery, and respect are the true measures of a person.
- If you marry one day, the decision regarding last names is personal and has no bearing on love or commitment.
- Providing for your family extends beyond financial contributions.
- When making childcare decisions, prioritize what’s best for your family, considering all factors that may evolve over time.
- Contrary to many media portrayals, men can handle household chores and childcare with ease.
- Don’t shy away from apologizing; it signifies strength and courage.
- Acknowledge your privileges—financial, educational, racial, or cultural—and advocate for those who lack similar advantages.
- Cultivate empathy, sensitivity, and compassion in all interactions.
- While differences exist between genders, remember that all individuals are unique—celebrate these differences rather than generalize.
- Embrace these lessons not merely as a means of protection or special treatment for any group, but as foundational principles of fairness, equality, and respect that can contribute to a better world.
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In summary, these lessons in feminism are vital for fostering understanding and respect in my sons, equipping them to navigate a world that often presents challenges related to gender equality. By instilling these values, I hope they can contribute positively to society and champion fairness in their lives.