If your toddler’s dinner table antics make you contemplate replacing family meals with cereal, remember that their behavior is less about a lack of manners and more about their understanding of toddler etiquette. Here are 25 amusing yet practical rules for toddlers to follow at the dining table.
- Dress Down – Make a statement by arriving at the table in an incomplete outfit. Missing items like socks or pants can elevate your status as a unique diner. For formal occasions, extra stickers are a must.
- Bring a Buddy – Never dine alone! Ensure you have a beloved toy with you. If they hesitate, hold the toy hostage until they agree to join you.
- Practice Patience – Wait until everyone is seated before claiming a new spot or a lap to sit on.
- Perfect Posture – You’ll know you’re sitting correctly when you’re standing in your chair.
- Order First – Begin requesting your meal long before dinner starts and keep it up until you drift off to sleep.
- Napkin Nonsense – Napkins belong on the floor. Crumple it and toss it down, or if it’s a fancy dinner, let it gracefully float to the ground.
- Bathroom Break – Just as the last plate is served, announce your urgent need to visit the bathroom.
- Table Navigation – Forget reaching; crawl across the table instead.
- Utensil Handling – Treat your cutlery like a drumstick and bang it on the table for maximum noise.
- Food Compliments – Declare everyone else’s meals as superior, then request to share. If they refuse, consider taking matters into your own hands.
- Table Talks – If you’ve eaten most of your meal, negotiate for dessert or extra playtime in exchange for your impressive dining skills.
- Face Wiping – Use your arm to clean your face. Allow your nose to run freely as an exception.
- Bite-sized Eating – Attempt to consume your entire meal in one bite. If you find something unpalatable, spit it out for others to catch—or simply let it fly.
- Open-mouth Eating – Ensure everyone knows when you take a bite by chewing with your mouth wide open.
- Utensil Loss – If a fork or spoon goes missing, let it happen under the table or toss it away dramatically.
- Speedy Eating – Devour your food as quickly as possible or not at all.
- Eating Technique – Bring your spoon or fork to your mouth instead of leaning down, maximizing the chance of spills.
- Cutlery Gestures – Waving your food-covered utensil around is a clever way to make it fly off and reduce your meal.
- Course Returns – No meal is flawless; throw, kick, or slingshot at least one food item to demonstrate your dissatisfaction.
- Course Requests – Insist on more courses than anyone else; after all, a seven-course meal is merely a snack.
- Self-buttering – Decline help with buttering your bread. Use ketchup for all your butter needs.
- Spill for Friends – Ensure half of your drink ends up on the floor. Your imaginary pet will thank you.
- Food Storage – Request someone save your leftovers but never actually eat them later.
- Avoid Adult Contact – After leaving the table, find a cozy spot under it to evade grown-ups.
- Chef Praise – Assert that only the chef (likely your mom or dad) is worthy of holding you. Make them do it indefinitely.
Following these quirky rules may provide some hope that, eventually, toddlers will embrace more conventional dining etiquette. Until then, indulge in some sweet treats while they dream, as a little revenge.
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Summary:
This article humorously outlines 25 humorous rules that toddlers seemingly follow at the dinner table. These guidelines highlight the amusing yet chaotic nature of toddler behavior during meals, emphasizing that their antics are part of their developmental stage rather than a lack of manners.