Looking to irritate your child? No judgment here; it might be easier than you think. Here are 23 surefire ways to get under their skin:
- Rouse them from their slumber.
- Clean their face with your own saliva.
- Mistakenly toss out their current assignment, believing it to be outdated.
- Announce a limit on their screen time—and actually enforce it.
- Ignore their call from school when they claim to be unwell because you forgot to turn your ringer on, leaving them stuck with that one odd kid in the nurse’s office.
- Discard that critically important piece of art they created, which meant the world to their happiness.
- Request that they take care of the dog—no matter that it’s their sole duty.
- Attempt to clarify their homework using different terminology than their teacher.
- Pause mid-story at a cliff-hanger in their favorite book. “And then the monster was about to gobble up Harry Potter and his friends…Goodnight, darling! Sweet dreams!”
- Suggest they swap out their beloved, worn-down sweater and those raggedy pants they insist on wearing.
Related: 25 Ways To Annoy A Toddler
- Casually remind them that homework is a thing.
- Stock only “boring” snacks in the pantry.
- Allow holes to form in their favorite socks and then fail miserably at fixing them.
- Skip buying Skylanders Swap Force characters because you’ve already invested a fortune in regular Skylanders.
- Become so dizzy from watching their Mine Craft roller coaster that you have to shut your eyes, consequently missing the “best part!”
- During dinner, insist they use utensils.
- Ask them to use a napkin rather than their shirt.
- Request that they employ polite language.
- Expect them to simply sit in a chair.
- Explain topics they are currently learning at school, despite them believing they know far more than you—even with your advanced degree in Physical Therapy and hands-on experience.
- Provide only dull viewing options, then lecture them on how fortunate they are to have so many choices today compared to your childhood. Their eyes glaze over, and you realize you’ve lost them.
- Kindly ask them to aim for the toilet when they pee, rather than just in the general vicinity.
- Break the news that it’s time for bed.
Related: How to be the Most Embarrassing Parent in the World
This article was originally published on March 17, 2014.
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In summary, these 23 strategies guarantee to annoy your child while providing a humorous take on the challenges of parenting. Whether it’s through mundane requests or nostalgic comparisons, the goal of irritating them is easily achievable!