When my partner Jake and I first began our relationship, we were that couple everyone envied. Our connection was so intense that even mundane moments, like grocery shopping or paying bills, were filled with delight. We spent our weekends exploring our new city, and our friends often joked about our lovey-dovey antics. Honestly, we were pretty adorable.
The blissful honeymoon phase continued after we tied the knot. We savored cooking gourmet meals together and spent countless evenings relaxing on our porch, dreaming about starting a family. Our love was palpable, and let’s be real—we were still incredibly cute.
When our first child arrived, we tried to maintain that same spark, but let’s face it—there’s not much romance in pumping breast milk while your partner enjoys breakfast. Over time, it became clear that if we were in this for the long haul, I’d have to accept that Jake’s bathroom habits could rival those of a zoo exhibit, and he’d have to deal with the reality that watching me put on a sports bra was far from tantalizing.
After 17 years of marriage, romance has evolved significantly for us. While we may not indulge in candlelit dinners or spontaneous getaways, our bond is rooted in the understanding that I can binge-watch my favorite shows while he snores next to me. The honeymoon phase may have faded, but here are some signs it might be over for you as well:
- The last time you celebrated New Year’s Eve together, it was the turn of the millennium.
- You’ve given up trying to impress his mother.
- Your holiday gifts are mostly things you bought for yourself—and you’re thrilled about those cozy leggings.
- The ultimate romantic gesture is a new water heater right before Valentine’s Day.
- Let’s just say “courtesy flushes” have become essential.
- You’ve gone to bed angry a few times since your wedding day—okay, maybe 562 times.
- You no longer giggle when someone refers to you as “Mrs.”
- You’ve entertained the idea of hosting a “Replace the Broken Wedding Appliances” party for your upcoming anniversary.
- Forget flowers and chocolates; true love is your spouse loading the dishwasher without being asked.
- “I’ll handle bedtime” has become your version of foreplay.
- You both roll your eyes at young couples showing affection in public.
- You haven’t attended a wedding in over a decade.
- “Dinner and a movie” has morphed into Netflix and takeout.
- You buy your underwear in bulk at Costco and couldn’t care less.
- Love notes have been replaced with texts like “Don’t forget the milk, or else.”
- When you call someone “Pooh Bear,” you’re likely referring to a stuffed toy.
- Your partner no longer jokes about inviting friends to bed.
- “Clothing optional days” are now just for your toddler.
- You come home from your daily run with just one coffee from Starbucks.
- He no longer pretends to notice your new highlights or outfits.
- He trims his nose hairs while you clip your toenails—both of you think it’s completely normal.
- You give him the side-eye when he tries to join you in the shower—it’s your one sanctuary from the kids.
- The only time you light candles now is during a power outage or when the bathroom desperately needs ventilation.
I no longer crave grand romantic gestures like I did in my twenties. These days, I find joy in small acts, like laundry making it to the basket and dishes being washed. While I occasionally miss surprise flowers, I appreciate the authenticity of our relationship. Jake has seen me at my best and worst, yet he still looks at me with affection—leggings and all.
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Summary
The honeymoon phase in a relationship can often transition into a more realistic, comfortable period. While the intense romance may fade, the bond can deepen and evolve into something meaningful. Small gestures often take the place of grand romantic displays, and partners grow to appreciate the everyday moments that define their lives together.