In our household, for anyone under four feet tall, there are certain conditions that must be met for food to be deemed acceptable:
- It must be candy.
- It has to be a quesadilla, minus the tortilla—just cheese.
- It needs to be framed as a specific food for their chosen spirit animal of the day.
- It’s imperative that someone else is eating it.
Of course, this doesn’t apply to our cats. While they meet the height requirement, they have no interest in candy or cheese; they’re perfectly content as their own spirit animals.
Meal times have turned into a vibrant spectacle since becoming a parent. I’d wager that at least a dozen times each week, we face tiny protestors brandishing finger-painted signs, demanding more sweets and less nutritious options. Ironically, even when they pick their foods, they often find reasons to protest. For instance, “I want Cocoa Puffs for breakfast, but I can’t eat them because I dreamed the milk was weird.”
So, what’s stopping them from eating their nine grapes and grilled cheese? Kids are masters of excuses. Here are 22 of the most common reasons my little ones refuse to eat:
- “I need to save it for later.”
This translates to, “I’ll ask for something completely different later, like popcorn.” Sometimes, if I present the saved meal later, they’ll actually eat it to secure a real snack. - “I don’t like food.”
(While reaching for a bag of sour gummy worms.) - “I just want milk.”
The idea is to drink so much milk that they feel like a cow (or almond, whichever) and become too full to eat. - “My breakfast is gross.”
Cereal has a way of becoming unappetizing when it turns to mush. Lesson learned: Eat it while it’s still crunchy. - “My dinner is gross.”
Everything that isn’t candy is apparently terrible. And when ketchup is used like a condiment on everything, it loses its appeal. - “I don’t like carrots anymore.”
Kids have a flexible relationship with vegetables, often deciding to opt-out when they feel like it. Blending veggies into smoothies is a solid backup plan. - “I’m not hungry.”
A toddler can go days on little more than a single grape yet still bounce around with boundless energy. - “I don’t care if I eat.”
They certainly don’t seem to care about much—like wearing clothes or if they leave a mess. - “I only like the straight noodles in mac and cheese, not the twisty ones.”
Because, of course, the shape of the noodle determines the taste. - “I just want to play outside.”
Outside presents less threat of food consumption—unless they’re snacking on grass. - “I’m busy.”
You’re four years old. - “No, thanks.”
This is a rather ineffective excuse. They seem to forget that I can’t just forget about the meal I just served them. - “I just want peanut butter.”
Protein is a win, so I let this slide. - “The bread is too white.”
Wheat bread is too brown, and hot dog buns are made of hot dogs. It’s complicated. - “I don’t like this.”
“This” usually refers to anything on their plate—except for candy or grass. - “I’m only eating yogurt from now on.”
Yogurt is nutritious, but the M&Ms mixed in? Not so much. - “Peas are super bad for you.”
The only thing peas are bad for is the person cleaning up after dinner. - “My toast is too crunchy.”
When your toaster’s lowest setting still produces toast, this can be a dilemma. - “This isn’t chicken; it’s not dinosaur-shaped.”
A quick science lesson usually helps them understand, but it doesn’t always work. - “My fruit is touching my sandwich.”
We’ve evolved beyond instilling fear into our children during meal times. - “You don’t have green beans on your plate.”
I’ve earned my position; when you’re old enough to do laundry, you can skip them too. - “My cereal is cold.”
This excuse is rare since they often let their cereal sit until it’s soupy. Still, when it does come up, they act as if I’ve given them a bowl of ice.
I find myself baffled by their aversion to eating, especially since I love food (and naps). They definitely have a more creative approach than I did as a child—I would simply declare my disdain for dinner and stare at my plate until bedtime.
While these excuses might not be the worst, it certainly would make life easier if they simply embraced eating. After all, our food choices are limited to the basics, and there are no surprises in the meals. Maybe if they just ate a grilled cheese, they could earn some sour gummy worms.
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In summary, kids have a knack for avoiding meals with a slew of imaginative excuses. Despite their protests, mealtime remains a colorful challenge in our home, and all we can do is persist in providing nutritious options while navigating their whims.