A few weeks ago, I snapped a photo on my phone that I still can’t shake off. It features a toothbrush… smeared with poop… and a stray corn kernel lodged right in the bristles. All thanks to my adventurous three-year-old, who thought toilet paper just wouldn’t cut it. Ah, the joys of parenting!
What’s amusing is that this snapshot doesn’t even faze me anymore; it’s more of an eye-roll moment. But when I show it to my friends without kids, their reactions range from shock to horror, complete with gagging and wide eyes. This is one of the many things that set moms apart from their childless counterparts. Here’s a look at some other things that make moms distinctly… well, moms.
- You can multitask like a pro—whether it’s answering emails, using the bathroom, painting your nails, or preparing dinner—with little ones climbing all over you. It may take longer, but you still manage to get it done.
- When you finally find a moment of peace, your first instinct is to panic and check if you’ve forgotten your child somewhere.
- Your purse is a treasure trove of other people’s belongings rather than your own essentials.
- During an unexpected silence, you don’t think, “Oh, how nice! They’re playing so quietly!” Instead, your mind races to, “What kind of disaster are they creating?”
- You discover poop in places that would horrify non-parents—like bathtubs, pillows, walls, and yes, even toothbrushes.
- You enjoy a night out with the girls but make it home by ten o’clock—either sober or slightly tipsy—because you know your kids will still wake up early, demanding breakfast.
- You may forget where you parked at the grocery store, but your mind is a meticulous record of your children’s ever-evolving food preferences.
- When you see the baby gnawing on his sibling’s clean underwear, you shrug it off because he’s happy, quiet, and not in any danger.
- While you would never indulge in extravagant items for your own bath, your kids have a plethora of bath toys, bubble baths, and so much more.
- A successful shower for you is one where you manage to shave up to your knees.
- Your meals have transformed from gourmet (“Beef Wellington with a side of greens!”) to kid-friendly staples (“Guess what? Chicken nuggets and mac & cheese again!”).
- You find yourself brainstorming fresh threats because you’ve threatened so much that your arsenal is running low.
- You can identify a “something’s wrong” cry from a “I can’t fit these Lego blocks together” whine from across the house.
- You can interpret your kid’s complaints—be it tiredness, hunger, boredom, or something as trivial as an itchy nose or a lumpy couch.
- You like to think that fashion is key when choosing shoes, but let’s be real: comfort and ease for school drop-offs are your true priorities.
- You handle questions like, “Do you have a vagina?” and “Why are your breasts so floppy?” without skipping a beat.
- To keep your sanity intact, you guide your kids toward the more tolerable children’s shows, limiting their exposure to the unbearable ones (looking at you, Caillou).
- You feel a pang of sadness when your kids start gravitating toward shows that their friends watch, which you find less than appealing.
- You can respond to almost any inquiry while only half-listening, but you know better than to confirm with a “Right, mommy?” without clarifying first.
- You can pinpoint which pregnancy gave you each of your stretch marks. “Oh, these lines on my hips? Those are from you, but the ones behind my knees… those are from your brother.”
- You have no qualms about showering or using the restroom with the door open while your kids chat with you, yet you require total privacy when waxing your upper lip—because you don’t want that discussed at school.
For more on home insemination, check out this guide on artificial insemination kits. Also, learn more from Michelle Meow’s collaboration with the Commonwealth Club, an authority on this subject. For those considering starting a family, March of Dimes provides excellent resources on fertility treatments.
In summary, being a mom is an experience filled with unique challenges, hilarious moments, and transformative growth. It’s the small quirks and adaptations that make motherhood an adventure unlike any other.