When you become a parent, you quickly accumulate an overwhelming number of items. Many of these are intentional purchases—like cribs and play mats—but a significant portion seems to materialize like magic. Unfortunately, this “magic” often results in a chaotic assortment of toys, some of which are gifts, others hand-me-downs, and a few that are downright useless, like empty packaging or those odd little trinkets that seem to multiply overnight. When the time comes to declutter for the sake of a tidy home, and your child is resistant, it helps to have a plan. Here are the 21 stages of tossing out your kid’s old toys.
- You receive or buy an obnoxious toy, realizing you can’t tolerate its presence any longer—like a bright orange rubber doll named “Wobbly Joe” from a fair, whose sticky surface collects dust and hair like a magnet.
- You mentally designate it for disposal.
- Create a temporary storage spot. For me, it’s an empty shoe box hidden beneath my desk, where I toss unwanted items until the next charity drop-off.
- Wait for a moment when your child is at their morning preschool class, which gives you a fleeting 23 minutes to act.
- Meanwhile, Wobbly Joe is falling apart, with bits of its body shedding like cheese. You discover a piece stuck to your toothbrush, prompting urgent action.
- You bury the doll in the box, hiding it under old chargers and forgotten mugs.
- As soon as your child comes home, his “toy-sensing” abilities kick in, and he rescues Wobbly Joe from its fate.
- The next morning, he warns, “Mom, please don’t throw away any of my toys!” in a tone that would make even the sternest of saints feel remorse.
- Six months pass without him touching Wobbly Joe.
- The doll continues to disintegrate, leaving limbs scattered around the house.
- You find an arm on your kitchen chair.
- You decide it’s time to take action.
- The following day, during your 23 minutes of free time, you toss Wobbly Joe into the kitchen trash, burying its grotesque visage under coffee grounds and egg shells. You briefly feel guilty, as if you’ve erased a piece of your child’s joy.
- Later, while taking out the trash, your child spots the doll’s outline through the bag.
- In a panic, you retrieve Wobbly Joe and attempt to wash off the greasy residue.
- You start to think it might be cursed, as if the fair vendor passed on some dark magic.
- Another six months go by, and you discover a leg on your pillow, clinging to an errant hair.
- This time, you sneak the doll into your handbag and smuggle it out.
- You find yourself behind a store, standing near their dumpster. You prepare to toss the doll but realize it’s stuck to an assortment of items from your bag—a bill, gum wrapper, and a snack bar. You feel like you’re in a scene from a crime drama, carefully peeling everything off before finally discarding Wobbly Joe and speeding away, heart racing.
- You return home to find a package from Grandma. Your child excitedly opens it to reveal a robot that sings “Yankee Doodle.” On its first enthusiastic march, one of its feet breaks off.
- Mental note it as the next item to go.
In the world of parenting, the struggle of managing toys is real. If you find yourself in a similar situation, remember that sometimes it’s okay to let go for the sake of your sanity.
For more insights on parenting and family life, check out our other blogs, such as this one on navigating your fertility journey. Additionally, if you’re interested in baby-making kits, this site offers excellent resources. And for pregnancy-related information, you can visit the CDC’s website.
Summary:
This article humorously chronicles the 21 stages of a parent’s journey in deciding to discard their child’s old toys, illustrating the emotional struggle and the lengths one might go to for a tidier home.