Cliché Alert: The past twelve months have been nothing short of a whirlwind. It all began last August when I welcomed a tiny human into the world. Fast forward six months, and we were relocating from a quiet suburb to the bustling streets of NYC. Both my partner and I started new jobs, attended what felt like 264 weddings, racked up countless miles on the road, and let’s just say, my hair is sporting more gray than I ever anticipated.
Now, that little human is about to celebrate her first birthday, and I’d like to share some valuable lessons I’ve learned about babies, parenting, and myself during this incredible journey:
- Contrary to what the registry consultant at Buy Buy Baby may tell you, babies don’t need nearly as much stuff as you think. These consultants seem to thrive on the hormonal chaos of expectant parents. We managed to keep our daughter safe and happy without warming her wipes or having an arsenal of bouncy chairs. One was more than enough!
- I’m convinced that most children’s television shows are crafted by individuals with questionable intentions. Swap them out for the Food Network or HGTV whenever you can. By the time she’s two, I hope she’ll be able to master kitchen renovations and the art of braised short ribs.
- Always cover your newborn’s “danger zone” during diaper changes. Unless you enjoy getting sprayed with urine or worse first thing in the morning.
- Ignore the milestones of other babies. Each child develops at their own pace, and if there’s a cause for concern, your pediatrician will let you know. You have my permission to roll your eyes at anyone who questions why your 10-month-old isn’t crawling yet.
- Feeding time is akin to sitting in the splash zone at a Gallagher show once your baby starts on “solid” food. Dress accordingly because breakfast will likely end up on you, especially on days you have important meetings.
- If you want to sleep again, get your baby into their own bed and establish a routine. Experts suggest that children thrive on schedules, and teaching your baby to sleep can save your sanity. Our little one has been a champion sleeper since she was two months old.
- Finding suitable childcare is an absolute nightmare. It’s like a torturous dating scene. Whether you’re interviewing nannies or trying to secure a spot on an elusive daycare list, expect to lose your mind and a chunk of your budget.
- NYC playgrounds during summer feel like a hellish circus: hot, chaotic, and teeming with excited kids.
- Form friendships with other parents. They will provide essential support and advice and can engage in conversation even amidst the chaos of screaming children.
- Your baby will inevitably roll off furniture, no matter how vigilant you think you are. It’s going to happen, likely while you’re distracted. Luckily, kids are surprisingly resilient—just keep some pillows on the floor as a precaution.
- If you have hardwood floors, attach Swiffer pads to your baby’s knees and hands to create a DIY version of a cleaning robot.
- Remove the batteries from the TV remote before giving your child free rein over it to avoid chaos in your DVR settings.
- Don’t spend a fortune on fancy toys. Your child will be more entertained by kitchen utensils, empty water bottles, and packing materials than any overpriced gadget.
- Completing a year of monthly milestone photos with those cute stickers deserves a medal. I lost mine during our move, and even when I had them, I often forgot to take the pictures on time.
- If you’ve ever judged another parent during a public meltdown, prepare for karma to return the favor. My little one has become an expert in high-pitched screeching that could rival any pop diva. It’s not a cry; it’s a full-on announcement, and there’s little you can do to stop it.
- Forget those fancy teething rings; a wet washcloth will do the trick. And if that fails, there’s always Tylenol.
- Puff snacks are like baby crack. Once your little one has even one tooth, never leave home without them.
- Germs are a part of life. Everything within arm’s reach will find its way into their mouth, including your phone and the dog’s tail. You can only sanitize so much before you adopt the mantra: “Eh, it’ll build her immune system.”
- Take your baby everywhere, including the bar. We believe in exposing our little one to the joys of a good dollar oyster happy hour over a chain restaurant.
- During that first year, don’t do something foolish like skip birth control. If you do, you may find yourself in a drugstore line, heart racing, with a 4-month-old strapped to your chest, contemplating multiple brands of pregnancy tests.
- While social media may be flooded with new moms expressing overwhelming joy at their child’s birth, it wasn’t quite my experience. The early weeks left me feeling confused and disconnected, maybe even a hint of postpartum feelings. It’s okay to admit that. I found that talking to someone about it was helpful.
As time has gone on, my bond with my daughter has deepened, and I’m grateful for her presence in my life—even if she only says “Dada” right now. And let’s be real; I’m not eager to stop time because she keeps getting cooler every day. Plus, I could really use her to start pitching in with the rent!
For more insights and tips, check out our other resources on parenting, including this article on crafting the perfect baby shower and our post about the at-home insemination kit.
Summary: The first year of parenting is a chaotic yet enlightening journey filled with unexpected lessons about babies and oneself. From understanding that babies don’t need all the extravagant items on their registry to navigating the challenges of childcare and public meltdowns, every experience is a stepping stone toward greater wisdom and humor in parenting.