If I had to express my affection for raw cookie dough, it would echo the sentiments found in a classic rock ballad. Seriously, listen to the lyrics and tell me it’s not a love song for this delectable treat. Despite the warnings from the media about illnesses linked to raw dough, my fondness remains strong. Yes, consuming raw eggs carries risks of salmonella or E. coli, but so does dining at your favorite fast-food joint or enjoying a salad from a farm where less-than-healthy animals might roam.
I’m fed up with everything being labeled as “dangerous.” Dear 21st century, you’ve already stripped away many joys from my childhood, like the thrill of riding in the back of a car without seatbelts, playing outside until dusk without a care, and the days when Pluto was still considered a planet. You will not take my raw cookie dough!
At this rate, our children may end up living in plastic bubbles, bouncing around the city like hamsters in their cages. Let’s face it, there are countless things that pose a greater risk than licking cookie dough off the beaters, such as:
- Racing down the stairs in socks—might as well be tiny surfboards leading straight to the emergency room.
- Using safety scissors—because they can still inflict injury.
- Opening a tube of Pillsbury dough—the sheer anticipation could lead to a heart attack.
- Clowns—has anyone read Stephen King’s It?
- The 2016 presidential candidates—if you don’t get why this is scary, you might want to check the news.
- Climbing into the bathtub—watch out for that slippery edge!
- Getting out of the tub—same slippery scenario, only this time, a potential trip to the hospital.
- Stepping on tiny plastic farm animals—it’s painful, but you won’t die.
- Toasting marshmallows over a campfire—combine darkness, fire, and sharp sticks, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.
- Roller skating—because wearing shoes on wheels is always a good idea!
- Not allowing hot cocoa to cool first—unlike raw cookie dough, this might require a visit to the burn unit.
- Handling your pet’s food without washing your hands after.
- Petting your furry friend—those claws can be sharp!
- Jumping on the bed—fun until an adult joins in and sends you flying.
- Running around the playground while enjoying a lollipop—let’s see how safe that soft landing is when you crash.
- Riding a bike in flip-flops or barefoot—pavement is rough, trust me.
- Bunk beds—one elevated bed and multiple toddlers with no sense of balance.
- Giant trampolines—great for fun, terrible for dental work when you land wrong.
- Walking with a bucket or blanket over your head—what could possibly go wrong?
- Drinking water from a kiddie pool filled with hose water on a scorching day.
Do you know how many people indulge in cookie dough without any issues? I wouldn’t be surprised if opening a tube of Pillsbury dough leads to more accidents than raw cookie dough does to stomach troubles.
So, cookie dough, I’m not swayed by the so-called “expert” opinions. You aren’t merely a potential salmonella breeding ground to me or my children. In 20 years, you’ll recognize my kids; they’ll be the ones joyfully licking the batter and bouncing around in hamster balls on Colorado Boulevard. We’re going to keep on loving you, cookie dough. It’s the only treat we truly want (along with perhaps bouncing on a trampoline in those giant hamster balls).
For more on parenting and navigating these modern challenges, check out our post about the couples’ fertility journey for intracervical insemination. Additionally, baby food recipes are an excellent resource for those exploring homemade options. Lastly, for all things pregnancy and home insemination, visit Progyny’s blog.
Summary:
In a world filled with warnings about the dangers of various activities, it’s important to recognize that many seemingly innocuous things pose greater risks than indulging in raw cookie dough. From the perils of safety scissors to the hazards of clowns and political candidates, the list of dangers is long and varied. While cookie dough may carry some risk, the true dangers of everyday life deserve our attention.