This summer, both my parents and my in-laws celebrated their 51st wedding anniversaries. While this may seem like a quirky family coincidence, it actually highlights remarkable marital longevity. I can only imagine the countless hugs, eye-rolls, high-fives, and silent treatments that have accumulated over 102 years of marriage. After 15 years of my own marriage, I’ve discovered that our survival largely hinges on sarcasm, playful teasing, and, of course, a great deal of love.
Having observed these enduring marriages, I’ve gathered a few valuable lessons about what makes a partnership last. Here’s what I’ve learned:
- Personal growth is inevitable. You will evolve together, drift apart, and then find your way back again. This cycle will repeat, and your goal should be to align on the same chapter of your life story every now and then.
- Over time, miscommunication will consume years of your lives. You may be right or wrong at times, but often, you’ll be uncertain about the root of your arguments.
- Compromise is crucial. If I were given a dollar for every time I witnessed my parents navigate conflicts, I would be a billionaire.
- Hardships are universal. Everyone faces challenges, but being that reliable support for your partner during tough times can strengthen your bond.
- If financial discussions were eliminated, many marriages would see a significant decline in divorce rates. It just makes sense, doesn’t it?
- When communication fails, consider a hearing aid. Many older couples struggle with this issue, leading to unnecessary conflicts.
- Perfection is a myth. No one is flawless, and every relationship has its imperfections. Don’t be surprised if you argue over trivial matters like paper towels.
- A good laugh is essential. Being able to find humor in yourself, your partner, and the world around you is invaluable.
- You may occasionally feel the urge to flip your partner off when they turn away— just ensure they aren’t near a window when you do.
- Friendships will ebb and flow. If you’re committed to your marriage, it’s vital to cultivate a friendship with your spouse.
- Pursue your own passions. Spending decades with someone means you’ll want some time apart to recharge.
- Shared interests matter too. For example, my in-laws play one hand of cribbage together every night, which helps them connect.
- Listen attentively, even when the conversation feels mundane; resisting the urge to zone out is vital, especially during those dull moments.
- Compliments are powerful. Simple acknowledgments like, “That dinner was delicious. Thank you,” can bring you closer together.
- Physical connection is key. A little hand-holding, a kiss, or a playful slap on the backside can enhance intimacy.
- You’ll experience a unique blend of love and frustration for your partner, sometimes simultaneously.
- Being united is paramount. Aim to support each other, whether facing the world, family, or even your kids.
- Share your life stories. Recounting your history strengthens your connection and reminds you of your journey together.
- Mistakes will happen. Embrace forgiveness as there will come a time when you’ll need it yourself.
- Communication is essential. Your children will eventually leave, so don’t allow your relationship to fade in their absence.
From observing successful marriages, I’ve learned that viewing your partner as a fellow imperfect human—albeit the perfect one for you—is crucial. After all, a marriage encompasses a lifetime filled with kids, jobs, holidays, moves, tragedies, and everything in between. If, at the end of it all, you can still look at each other and genuinely say, “I’m glad it’s you,” then you’ve truly succeeded.
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In summary, the essence of a lasting marriage lies in understanding, compromise, humor, and communication. Embrace the imperfections, cherish the moments, and always strive for connection.