When my first child, Max, was born, I thought I had it all figured out—until he turned 18 months. Suddenly, he had his own ideas, often conflicting with mine. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if toddlers occasionally took our feelings into account, or better yet, cooperated? Here are 17 things toddlers never utter, but we wish they would.
- “Of course, I’ll sleep in! I know I kept you up late last night with my bedtime antics, but an extra hour of sleep sounds fantastic for both of us!”
- “Look at me! I’ve put on my own shoes and I’m patiently waiting by the door. I promise not to dash off, giggling wildly, as we’re already running late!”
- “Any shirt works for me! The Elmo shirt is in the wash? No worries. This striped one from Grandma is delightful, and I won’t make a face for the photos.”
- “I’m all about flexibility. Slice that sandwich however you want; I’m good with it.”
- “I’ll just patiently wait my turn for that shovel and take it gently from my new friend. No clobbering with a sand pail here!”
- “Mom, I know you’ve had a tough day. Any meal you prepare will be wonderful. I understand that pasta every night can be a bit dull!”
- “I’d love to take a bath! And getting out? Absolutely fine. I don’t need you to search for a specific diaper, any will do!”
- “I don’t need to discuss my anatomy in public, thank you very much.”
- “Transitions are my favorite! Leaving the playground makes me feel alive.”
- “Waiting my turn is a fun challenge, and I won’t poke that other kid in the eye.”
- “Hair-washing? Bring it on! I can hold my head back and close my eyes like a pro. Water in my ears? It’s just a gentle massage!”
- “While we’re at it, could you please trim my nails? I can’t stand the feeling of dirty, long nails that curl around my fingertips.”
- “Honestly, I’m starting to enjoy grooming. Go ahead and cut my hair! I love the buzz of the clippers at the barbershop.”
- “Your friend’s child? He’s not a troublemaker at all! He’s the life of the party, and we’ll take adorable pictures together. I promise not to scratch his eyes out!”
- “Wow, I don’t get to sit in a high chair at restaurants enough! I hope the food takes a while. I won’t start my ‘losing my cool’ routine while we wait.”
- “Yay, cars excite me! I know you want to get home and put me down for a nap, but I won’t be cranky after a quick snooze in the car.”
- “Looks like I’ve got some avocado on my hands. You know what? Forget it! You enjoy your meal; you deserve a break.”
While they may not express these sentiments now, surely they’ll mature out of this challenging phase soon, right? One day, they might even ask, “Mom, how can I help?” Until then, excuse me while I boil some pasta.
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