It seems like just yesterday when we were baby-proofing our home and setting up gates to keep our little ones safe. Fast forward to today, and our youngest just celebrated their third birthday. We have two kids: they’re delightful, if a bit noisy, and occasionally maddening, but honestly, they’re no worse than other children their age. After nearly four years of navigating the chaos of toddlerhood, however, I’m starting to feel the strain. I’m not saying we’re a total wreck; we were more frazzled when they were babies. Now, we’re just overwhelmed by it all.
Despite the chaos, our kids are well-fed and cared for—though we often neglect our own needs. Still, there are unmistakable signs that we might be completely over this toddler thing. If you can relate to any of these, you might be in the same boat.
- Your child’s favorite hiding place is right behind your smartphone, which you’re cluelessly staring at. They could be setting the living room on fire, and you wouldn’t even notice.
- Underwear mishaps? They’re now just considered part of the deal.
- You’ve surrendered to toddlerhood yourself. As soon as you step through the door, pajamas are on. Meals consist of cereal or leftover chicken nuggets. Go-Gurts are a food group, and you’re relying on pouches for your vegetable intake. It’s like you’ve become one of them.
- Occasionally brushing your hands with a wipe counts as washing them now.
- Screen time is the golden hour. Silence? Yes, please.
- Potty training will happen when it happens. Our youngest just turned three, so they’re halfway to being potty trained, right?
- You no longer mind that they behave better for every other adult. Great, they ate asparagus with you. Just don’t rub it in.
- You only clean when there’s a real threat of judgment from guests. Even then, you’re just achieving the illusion of cleanliness. You think about pretending someone is coming over each week to motivate yourself, but it never works. The urgency needs to be real and imminent.
- Honestly, I don’t care what they watch. They could be viewing Eyes Wide Shut as long as they’re quiet.
- Anyone who insists a toddler needs more than one bath a week can take a hike.
- One pair of pants per day is the rule. Even a single drop of water means they keep wearing them. This applies to adults too.
- I’ve told him to put his penis away 8,000 times today—no more.
- You find yourself wishing for a restraining order just to have some peace while using the bathroom.
- Fine, touch it. Let’s see what happens.
- Throwback Thursday gives you hope. All those parents you envy now, running marathons and conquering mountains, were once just like you in their baby and toddler photos: sleep-deprived and looking a mess. Look how fabulous they are now that their kids can wipe themselves!
- You enjoy figuring out clever ways to coax them into swearing for your amusement. There’s really no way to prompt him to say “mother trucker,” so you just ask him to say it. The laughter that follows is priceless.
- We’ll buy compliance with screen time or a few bucks. Seriously, take advantage of this while it lasts. Rates will skyrocket soon enough.
There are undeniably great aspects of the toddler years. At least babies just stay put, while now they’re mobile. Occasionally, I can even get a beer delivered to me by my little helpers. Ah, the joys of parenthood.
Alright, I’ve got to dash. Time to “prepare” some cheese sticks and applesauce. Hey, Kid. Beer me.
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In summary, navigating the toddler years can be a wild ride filled with silly moments and overwhelming challenges. Recognizing the signs that you’re over it can bring some humor and perspective to this chaotic yet rewarding phase of parenting.